reunion and speculation

Tomorrow I get to have a little reunion with my baby :) I was hashing this out with my cousin this past weekend. How when I first heard MM's heartbeat, I felt like I was finally "meeting" him/her. Finally getting to communicate, if only one-way. MM to me. But it was pure bliss.

Tomorrow is my second appointment with my OB so I get to hear MM again. What a sweet sound. Now that I'm feeling MM move I'm even more eager to hear him/her because I feel MM's presence more daily, and definitely more positively (MM used to like to remind me that he/she was there by causing me to vomit and cry and sleep for 13 hours a day, now MM just gives me a nudge every so often... which I will tell MM when s/he's older is much more appropriate).

I can't wait for tomorrow, and to talk to my OB again (I have some questions), to get my "clean bill of health" from Dr. Hall so I can fly all over North Africa in a few weeks, and because after tomorrow it's only 19 more days until we find out what kind of MM MM truly IS. Though I'll tell you a secret, I have a hunch that MM is a BOY.

Why, you ask? I think you'll remember how SET I was on a girl. I was kind of afraid of a boy because I had been brought up surrounded by girls, all female cousins, friends, and 1 sister, NO BOYS ALLOWED basically :) So I don't know how I'd be as a mom to boys since I have such little experience. But maybe about a month ago I started LONGING for a baby boy. Out of nowhere. I'd see little boys (about 2 years old or so) and just DROOL over them. So cute, if not inappropriate. I would think more and more about having a boy and switched from constantly referring to MM as "she" right to "he", and now I'm stuck on "he"!

My theory is that God is preparing my heart for a boy. And He did a darn good job, because I'm now at the point where I really truly want a boy. I still want a girl too, I'm perfectly balanced (FINALLY) and really just so excited to find out the gender either way. But gosh, I can't stop thinking about boys and how cute they are and how my dad would be in HEAVEN (like me he lead a life surrounded by girls) and so would Brad and it would add a nice mix to my female-dominated family...

But little boys grow up into big boys and that scares me. I work in young women's ministry, I understand what teenage girls go through and can walk that path with some awareness. Teenage boys who refuse to hug their moms or grown men who don't have strong bonds with their moms is a horrible thought to me. Most grown men I know don't call their moms very often, whereas most grown women I know do... Little things like that make me scared, just for a second or two.

So in conclusion: hearing MM again (can't wait!, I've missed you MM!) tomorrow, wanting a little boy very much these days, but still aware of the differences it will bring to life :)