transracial families put up with a lot...

One day, we still hope to adopt, though it's currently on hold as we try for #3. Which means articles and blogs and posts and videos and stories and books on adoption and orphans are still very much interesting to me. At the forefront of my mind and heart, still. And I still think about how we'll probably be a transracial family some day if we adopt via foster care, because the stats just work that way. And I still get excited about what God will do in our family and what it will look like.

This video on Rage Against The Minivan made me laugh today, but also reflect on how frustratingly difficult it must be to hear these comments A L L  T H E   T I M E.

from a former foster kid...

A reader of my blogs contacted me recently, suggesting this blog. I'm so glad she did.
It's written by a former foster kid, and it is among the most insightful and helpful things a future-adoptive-parent can read. Especially if you're like me and want to adopt FROM foster care/ banque mixte.

Don't get me wrong. It is not encouraging. But it's real and eye-opening and has reminded Brad and I why we are so passionate about adopting a child from foster care.

For many reasons, but here's one biggie: Foster kids are only kids until they're 18. Then they're phased out (read: kicked out). Often to the streets, with no family or adults to care for them.

Read this post to get a better idea. Be prepared for adult content in this blog.

raising kids of another race...

It's definitely occurred to us that when we opt for "no racial preferences" and "no gender preferences" as we're adopting from the foster care system in Quebec, we're practically enlisting to adopt a black male. 

That is 100% perfect and even exciting to me.

{Louie, Sandra Bullock's son was adopted from
the foster care system in the USA}

We have no problem whatsoever with adopting a child from another race, but we'd be naive to say that it won't be a challenge, and that our parenting experience with our black children will be exactly like that with our white children. It will be a challenge and it won't be the same as parenting Lily and Oli. 

Oddly enough, folks would rather not talk about race at all these days, for fear of appearing racist, but in doing so they're ignoring a God-given quality to someone (God decided that there would be black people in this world, and it is good that there are!), and doing a huge disservice to these people. To our potential child(ren). And so, I've been thinking about it. And talking about it. Because it's real and good. 

This post addresses some of the challenges a white mother faces raising her two black sons (alongside her two white daughters), and it was a great resource to me today. I also follow My Brown Baby, a blog she references in the post, and White Sugar Brown Sugar.

Would love any suggestions of resources or blogs about the issue if you know of any!

Here's a excerpt:

There is one aspect of parenting black children that is outside of something I can just learn though trial and error, though – and that’s how to teach my kids how to interact with the world as black men.  The question of how white parents can teach black children “how to be black” is one that is often thrown out by opponents of transracial adoption.  I don’t love this question because it implies that there is one monolithic experience of being black, or one right set of behaviors, attitudes, and experiences that somehow denote a person’s acceptance as a black person. I reject the idea that “being black” is something that my boys need to learn, because they ARE black.  The idea that some would view them as having “lost their black card” by way of having white parents is frustrating to me. 

a good cry and a beauitiful story

a friend passed this article on to me tonight.
it's the pure hope of our hearts way deep down and all throughout.
read it only if you're up for a good cry.

When I was just a little girl, like a wee little thing, I had a different mom and dad. And they were kind to me, but they had hurts and they had addictions and they didn't know how to take care of themselves, much less a wee girl and her little brother.

I mean, they tried. They hung on to us for several years, but things kept slipping and they kept falling and failing and they mustered up what strength they could, but they just couldn't make it work and they couldn't make it right. And so the policemen came over and over again, and took us away and my mama cried in the back of that police car, hands cuffed, and she told me that she loved me. And I knew in my little heart, as I looked up at her, tears streaming and mascara running, I knew that she really did love me. She just couldn't make it work.

And I still remember my daddy's face, another time, when the police finally caught up with him, and took his drugs and took his booze and took us kids. And even though I was just a little thing, legs not even long enough to dangle from the seat, I knew deep inside that he was in trouble and that he couldn't make it right.

And I cried for them because every little girl wants her mommy and needs her daddy, but they were gone, again, and I felt lost. And the social workers took us to some foster homes, lots of times they took us, but we were never safe. (Did you know bad guys can live in foster homes?) I lay in bed at night wishing they would go away. And I was just a little thing.

But, one day something beautiful happened. Something strange. The social workers came and got us and put our stuff in a brown paper bag and we met a different mom and dad. And they said they wanted us. Like, forever. And we could live with them and never go away. And I really liked the idea, but I didn't know what it really meant to trust, so deep inside I didn't believe them. Not yet.

So, we came to our new home, and I had a big brother and a big sister and from the get-go they loved us and they never made us feel afraid. And my mom and dad told me how they had prayed for us, because God had put it on their heart to, and so they asked Him to show them where we were and what to do. And one day my mama walked into that government office, saw our picture and knew right away. And she told that social worker that we were her kids. And the lady disagreed and tried to protest and said it wasn't possible, but my mama knew about the God of all the impossibles, and so it wasn't long before we came home. For good. And time passed and no one ever took us away, so I believed. 
And as days have turned to months which have turned to years, I still believe. I believe in that God of all the impossibles. And I've come to find that He's the One who rescues and He redeems, but He uses our hands and our feet. And He whispers His rescue plan into our hearts and hopes that we'll obey.

And this same God has healed those wounds from a mama and a daddy who just couldn't make it work and couldn't make it right. Because He gave me another mama and daddy who didn't have it altogether, but who depended on the only One who does. And people say that time heals all wounds, but I think it's love.

And every day I'm thankful that I've been rescued and that my life has been redeemed by the God who can make beauty from a mess. And I'm thankful for a family who became His hands and feet to reach out with a love that heals—reached out to the likes of me. When I was just a little thing.

(Thank you, Ma and Pa—a million times, and with tears, thank you.)

And thank You, Jesus, for always coming for me, for scooping me up and bringing me home. And thank You for how you take the bad and the ugly and the messed up in this world and You make it beautiful. You are good. You are so good. Amen.

if only we lived in British Columbia...

@ Graceport Community Church

in Surrey, BC

May 11-12, 2012

more info here.

got 2 minutes?

Orphan Sunday 2011 from Christian Alliance for Orphans on Vimeo.

+ this quote = enough reasons to adopt.

moving posters from the Dave Thomas Foundation

Dave Thomas (founder of Wendys) was adopted from the foster care system. His foundation's goal is to de-stigmatize foster care adoptions and find forever families for every child. Amen.

Look at these posters I found on the foundation's site:

I especially love combating the beliefs that some kids are "too old" or "too damaged" or "to much" (siblings).

Praying that God moves through this campaign to find forever families for countless kids.

Adoption in the Church

I think it's so great that in Christian circles, adoption has become a major topic of conversation and priority. Adopted for Life, a book I recently finished, had a whole chapter dedicated to helping churches become more supportive of adoptive families and encouraging those who desire to be parents to consider adoption. This is HUGE. In Canada, if 1 or 2 families from every church adopted just one child, there would be ZERO kids in Foster Care. I love that churches are prioritizing the issue. Found this advertisement for an event at Mars Hill Church this morning and was really encouraged.

how many kids in Canada are waiting to be adopted?

a former foster child...

Adoption - Ray Sater from CTR Memphis on Vimeo.

adoption in Quebec

We've decided to start the LONG research phase of our dream to one day adopt. Knowing how long the process will be once we officially begin, the goal is to start by the end of 2012. But right now we're mainly researching our hearts out and praying a lot. What does God have for us? What is his will for our family? Will we adopt? One or two kids? What age(s)? Local or International? Regular or Bank Mixte?

This is what we know so far:

In QC, the two local forms are regular and bank mixte. 

Regular is the adoption of a newborn or infant who is born in Quebec. Because abortion is so high here (the highest rate in North America, sadly), there are very few babies available through regular adoption (read: right from the hospital, Juno style). The wait to adopt a healthy Caucasian newborn is 4-8 years. Now, we don't desire to adopt a newborn or have any preference to race, but it's still a long time.

Bank Mixte is the adoption of a child who has been apprehended from an abusive family. This is less appealing to many because the child has "baggage" in the majority of cases. Children in Bank Mixte may have been physically or sexually abused or have health problems.  The wait time is considerably less (a week weeks- 24 months), especially if you're open minded about age, race, and health. The child starts off as your foster child until they are eligible for adoptability (if their birth parents have proven unfit for a period of 6 months or more), and once that occurs in 6 months or less the adoption can be finalized. 96% of Bank Mixte adoptions have come to this point, and only 4% of children don't end up with their adoptive parents, but the risk is still there - you can have a child who is, for all intents and purposes, yours, and they may not remain so.

Both forms of local adoption begin at the local Centre Youth, where you register for one of the adoptive programs (Regular or Mixte). I'm still not sure if you can register for both.

There are also two forms of international adoption - from other countries (there are 12 countries a Quebecer can adopt from), and from other provinces (like Ontario), but I'm not sure we'd go that route.

So now we pray. And pray and pray and pray.

Resources:

http://www.adoptiveparents.ca/pq_main.shtml

http://www.adoption.gouv.qc.ca/site/home.phtml

http://www.educaloi.qc.ca/en/loi/parents/154/