1st party for MM!

Yesterday some of my Montreal girlfriends hosted a surprise baby shower for me and MM! It's only fitting that these fabulous women were there to usher in an undoubtedly fabulous woman of the future, MM, herself!

Some highlights:

Rachel made an owl banner to welcome the baby and bought is 'Rockabye Baby' Radiohead lullaby's for kids CD. It's amazing, they take your favourite bands (a gift for the parents indeed!) and turn their songs into baby friendly relaxing songs sounding a bit like the lullaby's they listen to anyway! But you won't be singing "twinkle twinkle little star" when you hear it! Check it out here
Jess bought MM the changing table top thing we registered for since we won't be getting a change table, but will just plop it on her dresser. LOVE the practicality and how it'll save us a ton of space!

Nikita got MM her first pair of cloth diapers! You buy about 12-15 to start with and add more if need be. But you buy them individually, so now we've gotten started. I'm so happy she appreciated both the cloth diapers and that the company is based in Montreal as much as me :)

Jamie got MM an amazing diaper cake for the first month when we're abandoning our convictions and using disposable diapers (I've heard 10 diaper changes a day... eeek!) and inside put my favourite Bath and Body Works lotion (for me!), diaper cream, and some baby lotion/bubble bath, plus she hosted the amazing shower and planned so many fun games!

Amanda and Andrea both got MM some A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E clothes from Zara and Old Navy! The first "real clothes" MM has, since she has a lot of onsies and pjs but until now no dresses or pants. The squeals in the room were inhuman when we saw how cute they were!

Also, everyone got a favour for coming, Amanda's homemade granola in a jar with fabric that matches MM's future bedroom (and I got to keep the extra 2 yards of fabric, score!)

Surly many more great parties with 'the girls'
(yes, this can soon include my daughter!!) are to come :)
thank-you!

Go Ahead And Ban Me From Motherhood

Yeah... this hopefully isn't a bad sign of my actually relations with my own future child... but I am not a baby person *hangs head in shame*.

Is this a horrible thing?

I talked to my friend Hailey the other week about this. She has a lovely little girl named Stella. Hailey is not a baby person either. Phew! Community for the wretched! She said it was something she was quasi-ashamed about too. I mean, what pregnant woman isn't a baby person? I guess me! And Hailey (thank goodness).

Case in point: today on the metro there were TWO brand new babies in carriages with their respective mothers. Everyone around them were cooing and smiling, and I was avoiding eye contact. I don't really care about other people's babies. I mean, some more than others. I love playing with Andy and Loni's baby girl Olivia. But I'm happier to hang out with their 2 and 4-year-olds and play and wrestle and hug the heck out of them. Gosh... I feel like I'm confessing alcoholism. The guilt! The shame! The FREEDOM!

I am not a baby person.

I do not thing most babies are cute.

I do not look at albums of babies on facebook (normally). I look at mama's growing belly albums, baby's nursery albums, and albums of kids, but not babies. Wait a second, aren't I about to like...have one? Yeah, I know. SCAREY.

I do firmly believe things will be different with my OWN baby. I mean, I already love it and it's just a heart beat and cause for nausea. I pray for my baby all the time, and not just for his/her health and development, things wayyy down the road. Like their faith, their friends, their future spouses. I am in love with this baby in my belly. So why not other babies?

Jamie is a baby person. She CRAVES babies. To cuddle a new born is like a high for her. It's one of her favourite stages of a person's life. I'm so lucky to have her around, please O please rub off on me Jamie!! Jess, again, LOVES babies. Every time we're together with a new born baby (every time we're at the Smits house basically), you know where to find her. Baby in arm, sitting somewhere, in love. Where am I? Other room, possibly Hug-Attacking with Matty (something we had to bring in once I got pregnant and could no longer tickle-attack with him which always resulted in flailing punches to my belly).

I, on the other hand love KIDS. I think they're so fun and they "say the darndst things" and they love you in such a real, pure way, and they make me laugh, and they can hug back, and they ask such great questions, and ahhh... I could go on forever. As I type this I'm thinking of my best boy, Matty. I love Matty. I want me own Matty... I know how to deal with Matty's. I think babies on the other hand, scare me. They're unpredictable, they can't explain themselves, they can't ask me for anything (I just have to KNOW)...

Anyway, again, I've been told many times that non-baby-people become baby-people with their own babies. And I can see glimpses of that already with the love I have for our baby. Just a confession that I think needed to be made.

the BIG reveal

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!

Saturday February 13th is the BIG DAY, I'm going "public" with the pregnancy!

No more lies about why I'm not feeling so good, or having to miss work things (my work people know, but not my students), or why I'm forever wearing yoga pants :)

There's something so freeing about the 1st trimester being over, but once again worry and anxiety will never officially be something I don't have to fight out. I was telling Loni and Jess yesterday, I told myself "as long as I can get through the 1st trimester I won't worry about this baby!" and what a lie that was. I'll never stop having that healthy concern for the kids that I bore and love, but there's also the unhealthy side, the not trusting God side, that I so easily succumb to.

So with the 1st trimester over, I can foresee a million dangers and heart breaks with this baby that I already love. But for today, I can say, I'm trusting God. For today :)

people i miss.

lately as you know, I've been functioning at a highly REDUCED pace of life. Apart from work and sleep, I do next to nothing. When with work, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. The other day I had a full day on campus (not unusual but hard these days) and had 2 naps in the process. If I had a spare hour in between appointments, I would race in time for a 30 minute nap before heading back. I would normally see this as a waste of time and not worth the effort, but I'm THAT tired. And falling asleep on the metro is both scary and embarrassing - and I've done that twice.

I often say to Brad, "I miss being ME". He's been gracious to assure me that he loves me and that it's just a season and blah blah blah, but the reality is, I want to pick up the phone and call Missy and Catherine and just talk for hours. I want to meet Rachel for an early breakfast before 9am at Quoi De Neuf (when it's half price and just as glorious!). I want to hang out with Jamie for longer than an hour in the evenings, also meaning I want my bedtime to stretch later than 9pm. I want to have tea with Lydia and Jess again. I want to take Loni's kids swimming at the local pool and teach them how to swim like I was doing pre-prego, but that requires a level of energy that just doesn't exist right now. Ahhh... I am falling more in love with my baby every day, but I do miss my friends.

I keep being told that the energy levels will increase in the 2nd trimester, and I really hope it's true. The nausea is subsiding a bit so maybe it's a sign that the fatigue will too. Compared to many of my friends, my pregnancy hasn't been that difficult, it just seems like it I guess because most of my friends are able-bodied 23 year-olds who act like 23-year-olds... staying up late, meeting friends, having fun. I guess I just want to be ME again, but maybe the new me is more tired and I just have to figure out how to make that work with my relationships.

Then I remember, if the worst I'm feeling it tired and a bit nauseous to experience the joy and miracle of having a baby and starting a family - it's so worth it. It is. I just have forgotten that a few times lately and I need to remember it :)

"first response"

Why does this pregnancy test who boasts to kick the other brand's butt ONLY allow me to take the test 5 days before my period? that is a response I want NOW. Not first response... NOW RESPONSE.
I have to wait until Tuesday at the earliest... apparently.

sidenote: God bless my dear friend Jess who bought it for me as my first "baby gift". She is without a doubt a wonderful, caring, practical friend and I love her.