people i miss.

lately as you know, I've been functioning at a highly REDUCED pace of life. Apart from work and sleep, I do next to nothing. When with work, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. The other day I had a full day on campus (not unusual but hard these days) and had 2 naps in the process. If I had a spare hour in between appointments, I would race in time for a 30 minute nap before heading back. I would normally see this as a waste of time and not worth the effort, but I'm THAT tired. And falling asleep on the metro is both scary and embarrassing - and I've done that twice.

I often say to Brad, "I miss being ME". He's been gracious to assure me that he loves me and that it's just a season and blah blah blah, but the reality is, I want to pick up the phone and call Missy and Catherine and just talk for hours. I want to meet Rachel for an early breakfast before 9am at Quoi De Neuf (when it's half price and just as glorious!). I want to hang out with Jamie for longer than an hour in the evenings, also meaning I want my bedtime to stretch later than 9pm. I want to have tea with Lydia and Jess again. I want to take Loni's kids swimming at the local pool and teach them how to swim like I was doing pre-prego, but that requires a level of energy that just doesn't exist right now. Ahhh... I am falling more in love with my baby every day, but I do miss my friends.

I keep being told that the energy levels will increase in the 2nd trimester, and I really hope it's true. The nausea is subsiding a bit so maybe it's a sign that the fatigue will too. Compared to many of my friends, my pregnancy hasn't been that difficult, it just seems like it I guess because most of my friends are able-bodied 23 year-olds who act like 23-year-olds... staying up late, meeting friends, having fun. I guess I just want to be ME again, but maybe the new me is more tired and I just have to figure out how to make that work with my relationships.

Then I remember, if the worst I'm feeling it tired and a bit nauseous to experience the joy and miracle of having a baby and starting a family - it's so worth it. It is. I just have forgotten that a few times lately and I need to remember it :)

cravings, hope, and mom.

This week has been the same as the last for the most part. After getting my hopes up for the end of nausea and vomit, it returned with abundance. Still sleepy, still moody (but getting better!), still being spoiled by Brad (this week's gift was a plug for our bath since it never came with one and is a smallish bath so I've actually NEVER bathed in it). Same same same.

Although, as I enter into the 9th week of this pregnancy and almost the end of the 1st trimester I'm filled with hope. Hope that the baby will be healthy. Hope that I won't miscarry. Hope that I can do this whole, terrifying, natural birth thing. Hope. This part has made my days so much more joy-filled. When has Hope not been connected with Joy anyway? Think about it. Brad and I have spent a lot of time praying not only for a healthy baby, but for the right attitude in the midst of trial - miscarriage, complications, birth defects, the whole slew of potential problems. And since we've been praying not just for "our way" but for "the right heart if God's way isn't ours", my heart has been much more calm. And it's marking a huge difference from the previous weeks of anxiety.

Another change is that my cravings have changed yet again. I'm OFF meat. Like haven't had any in 2 weeks. Poor Brad. We're making a lot of pasta and eating a lot of eggs to get protein and I may be willing to have small bits of meat such as meat filled pasta or meat on a pizza, but the thought of cooking a whole chicken right now ... barf. literally. Thoughts are that powerful these days! And I was hooked on fruit for a long time, anything fresh basically, but it doesn't leave you will the satisfying fill that carbs and warm meals do. Case in point, mangoes. My obsession lately. I was eating one today and Lydia was eating a yummy spicy tomato soup and I was coveting it like no tomorrow. So long mangoes. Hello delicious hot soups.

And finally, MY MOM AND SISTER ARE COMING THIS WEEKEND TO VISIT ME!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited it's hard to put into words... I have missed them both so much since this pregnancy began. Not being able to share all my thoughts with them (hence, this blog was created), not being able to relax around them, or have them serve me (which they both love to do, read: SPOIL) with yummy meals, cuddles, advice, etc. And of course they're not just thinking of me, Mom has even said "we're just so excited to spoil Brad since he's been taking care of you so much, make him great meals, have red wine with him since you can't, etc". Isn't my family amazing? And did I mention they're COMING TO MONTREAL IN 4 MORE SLEEPS?