SCORE!

we were THIS CLOSE to buying the white, $170, Hemnes dresser from IKEA (below).

this close!!

I had dreamed of finding a cute old antique-looking, solid wood, and thus much better than IKEA plywood, dresser on Craigslist or Kijiji but after months of searching it seemed it wasn't in the cards. Everything I found online was either just people selling their old IKEA dressers or over $100, which to me is way too much for something second-hand!

So we were about to bite the bullet and get the white Hemnes dresser for the nursery until today Loni and I stumbled upon a garage sale in NDG while we were shopping at Emeline & Annabelle!
And there it was.
A beautiful, perfect-sized, antique-looking, complete with a key hole at the top, dresser with three drawers selling for $20!!!

We'll be painting it white and getting new hardware from the Re-Store this week.
Will show the finished product soon :)

a heavenly afternoon

Today I finished work by 3pm since I am again working tonight
from 7:30 - ?

In the hours between the two I went to heaven.

HEAVEN.

I stopped by Loni's since we haven't seen each other in way too long just one-on-one (and by that I always mean Loni + Matty + Dahlia + Olivia on one which is even better) and finally we both had the same time free. SO NICE. Just to hang out. Seriously. We did nothing.

HEAVEN.

Loni is a really chill woman (even with 3 kids aged 4 and under) and she relaxes me. We sat in her box-covered house (they're moving on Monday) and just chatted. But one of the best parts were her kids. I think she would take this as a compliment not an insult :)

When I first touched down in Montreal as Brad's "special friend" I would stay with Andy and Loni on those weekend visits. I'm pretty sure her kids (Matthew and Dahlia at that time) hated me. They were shy and I was a new face and only ever popped in and out. Well when I moved here I made it my mission to get them to like me.

Folks, it WORKED.

Today I sat in a chair just chatting with Loni while 4-year-old Matthew just cuddled in with me and talked to me. We laughed about silly things like Olivia's big diaper bum and Simile (hot like a fire! he learned and then got really good at it "hot like a jungle!"). I'd sat sitting on that chair, with a good friend and a cuddly little boy might have made the top of the charts for my week. Only to get better when Dahlia woke up from her name and asked for a story at the same time Loni had to help Andy with something. So I had baby Olivia balancing on one leg, Matty curled around my neck like a scarf, and Dahlia sitting on the arm of the chair while I read Berenstain Bears.

HEAVEN. I love those kiddos as if they were my own family, it makes me just completely awe-struck and a little terrified about how much I'll love my OWN kids some day :)

In addition, we all went over to Jamie's for a tea party so Matty could play with James and us girls could hang out. More Bliss. I LOVE JAMIE. She will help me so much when I have a babe, she's a wealth of knowledge and quite possibly could teach Early Childhood Education without having taken it herself.

So often I get down on living way out here in Quebec away from so many friends and family in Ontario, but God has really blessed me. I feel like I have BOTH here as I lay down new roots in Montreal. A heavenly afternoon indeed...

(kind of looks like Matty is plugging his ears to my story but I think he was just resting, it was by far the most affectionate and loving time I've ever spent with him :)

priority #2310629763

So my 2nd appointment with Dr. Hall was last Thursday. Still not understanding what Loni raved about... Shes pleasant enough, but really you can tell she wants to see me for no more than 5 minutes and basically doesn't care a whole lot about ME or MM whatsoever.

This is a typical appointment (Suzanne, Vanessa, tell me if this is normal, though probably not already in the fact that ya'll have midwives):

1. I go in, get weighed by the secretary (I've gained a full 5 pounds now since the advent of MM, woot!)

2. Secretary takes my blood pressure, and I go back to the waiting room (their magazine selection though is top notch... contemplating a subscription to Canadian House and Home or Canada's Style at Home)

3. I finally see Dr. Hall, she asks how I'm feeling

4. I get on the bed thingie, she check's MM's heartbeat (for all of 1 minute)

5. She measures my belly, mentions "your belly has grown"

6. She says "unless you have any questions, that's it" wherein I ask many questions and get extremely short and non-descriptive answers. (i.e. Q: is the heart beat good? A: yup. Q: what's normal for a baby's heartbeat? A: yours is normal)

7. I leave in all of 5 minutes. Nor necessarily having tons of questions unanswered, just feeling that shes giving me her bare minimum, she doesn't care much for the baby or me, and I'm #2310629763 on her priority list.

I think she operates on the "no news is good news" and "simple is better" policies. I just don't. ESPECIALLY when it's my first baby and I don't know what I'm doing. Remembering Suzanne's experiences hearing her baby's heartbeat, I'm jealous. Sooz knew the bmp of Baby Roz, she has INFORMATION to share on her blog and with her family about the baby's progress. FROM HER DOCTOR. My info comes from helpful pregnancy websites. Sheesh.

So yeah. I'm not impressed with Dr. Hall at all. She is nice, professional, if not cold, and rushes you out of her office the second you get in. And if I wanted a midwife (which I DID, trust me!) I couldn't give birth in a hospital - law in QC. I could give birth in a birthing centre for midwives only... but not a doctor or nurse in sight, and that's not my bag. But I hate how it's such polar opposites here. Why can't I give birth in a hospital WITH a midwife? Oh the glories I left behind in Ontario...

Go Ahead And Ban Me From Motherhood

Yeah... this hopefully isn't a bad sign of my actually relations with my own future child... but I am not a baby person *hangs head in shame*.

Is this a horrible thing?

I talked to my friend Hailey the other week about this. She has a lovely little girl named Stella. Hailey is not a baby person either. Phew! Community for the wretched! She said it was something she was quasi-ashamed about too. I mean, what pregnant woman isn't a baby person? I guess me! And Hailey (thank goodness).

Case in point: today on the metro there were TWO brand new babies in carriages with their respective mothers. Everyone around them were cooing and smiling, and I was avoiding eye contact. I don't really care about other people's babies. I mean, some more than others. I love playing with Andy and Loni's baby girl Olivia. But I'm happier to hang out with their 2 and 4-year-olds and play and wrestle and hug the heck out of them. Gosh... I feel like I'm confessing alcoholism. The guilt! The shame! The FREEDOM!

I am not a baby person.

I do not thing most babies are cute.

I do not look at albums of babies on facebook (normally). I look at mama's growing belly albums, baby's nursery albums, and albums of kids, but not babies. Wait a second, aren't I about to like...have one? Yeah, I know. SCAREY.

I do firmly believe things will be different with my OWN baby. I mean, I already love it and it's just a heart beat and cause for nausea. I pray for my baby all the time, and not just for his/her health and development, things wayyy down the road. Like their faith, their friends, their future spouses. I am in love with this baby in my belly. So why not other babies?

Jamie is a baby person. She CRAVES babies. To cuddle a new born is like a high for her. It's one of her favourite stages of a person's life. I'm so lucky to have her around, please O please rub off on me Jamie!! Jess, again, LOVES babies. Every time we're together with a new born baby (every time we're at the Smits house basically), you know where to find her. Baby in arm, sitting somewhere, in love. Where am I? Other room, possibly Hug-Attacking with Matty (something we had to bring in once I got pregnant and could no longer tickle-attack with him which always resulted in flailing punches to my belly).

I, on the other hand love KIDS. I think they're so fun and they "say the darndst things" and they love you in such a real, pure way, and they make me laugh, and they can hug back, and they ask such great questions, and ahhh... I could go on forever. As I type this I'm thinking of my best boy, Matty. I love Matty. I want me own Matty... I know how to deal with Matty's. I think babies on the other hand, scare me. They're unpredictable, they can't explain themselves, they can't ask me for anything (I just have to KNOW)...

Anyway, again, I've been told many times that non-baby-people become baby-people with their own babies. And I can see glimpses of that already with the love I have for our baby. Just a confession that I think needed to be made.

things I'll "need"

I'm really skeptical about this checklist I just found. Is it possible that a new mom "needs" all of these things? It makes me overwhelmed for many reasons: how will I pay for it all? where will I put it all? how do you even use some of these items, etc. I know I have family and friends who are already excited about a baby shower for me, how this is a LOT of stuff and I'm hoping some of you more experienced women can tell me what's NOT important to have/add to a baby registry.

The Checklist as per The Bump website:
Layette (what's a Layette?)

• 4-8 bodysuits or onesies (wide head openings and loose legs)
• 4-8 undershirts or vests (snaps at neck or wide head openings, snaps under crotch)*
• 4-8 one-piece pajamas*
• 2 blanket sleepers for winter baby
• 1-3 sweaters or jackets (front buttoned)
• 1-3 rompers or other dress-up outfits*
• 4-7 socks or booties (shoes are unnecessary until baby walks)*
• 1-3 hats (broad-brimmed for summer baby, soft cap that covers ears for winter baby)*
• Bunting bag or fleece suit for winter baby
• Swimsuit for summer baby
• Gentle laundry detergent

Nursery

• Crib, cradle and/or bassinet* (Slats no more than 2 3/8 inches apart, Corner posts no more than 1/16 of an inch above frame, No cutouts in headboard or footboard, Top rails at least 26 inches above mattress
• Firm, flat mattress fit snugly in crib (less than two fingers should fit between mattress and crib)*
• 1-3 washable crib mattress pads
• Bumper pads covering inside perimeter (secured by at least six ties or snaps, with all extra length removed)
• 2-4 fitted crib sheets*
• 4-6 soft, light receiving blankets*
• 1-2 heavier blankets (for colder climates)
• Crib mobile with black and white images (remove when baby can support self on hands and knees)
• Baby monitor
• Toy basket
• Swing or bouncy chair

Changing (I removed change table because we just won't have the room)

• cushioned changing pad for low dresser or bureau, with safety strap or railing (yes to this)
  
• Diaper pail (do I need this if I'm using cloth diapers?)
  
• Diaper pail liners
• Diaper cream*
• Unscented baby wipes (causes less irritation)*
• Soft washcloths*
• Tissues (for you)
• 6-10 dozen cloth diapers and 6-8 diaper covers, or 2-3 large boxes of disposable newborn-size diapers*
  

Bath

• Baby bathtub
• Baby soap*
• Baby shampoo
• 2-4 soft towels or hooded baby towels
• Baby hairbrush (for what hair? do they know MM's parents?)
  
• Soft washcloths (Good Tip from bump: use a different color or pattern than your diaper washcloths!)

Feeding

• Thank goodness I already got rid of most items on this list since I'm breastfeeding.
• 4-8 bibs
• Burp cloths
  
• High chair
• 2-4 pacifiers

For nursing moms:

• 1-3 nursing bras (Breasts swell following birth, so start with one size larger than your maternity bra. Wait until size settles down -- about two weeks after birth -- to purchase additional bras.)
• Nursing pads
• Nipple cream
• Nursing pillow
• Pump (even if you plan only to nurse, a pump will allow you to leave milk for baby if you want or need to separate)*
• Milk storage bags*

Medicine Cabinet

• Baby nail clippers or blunt scissors*
• Baby thermometer*
• Bulb syringe/nasal aspirator
• Medicine dropper or spoon with measurements
• Infant acetaminophen (Tylenol)
• Saline nasal drops
• Baby gas drops
• Disinfecting hand soap (for you)

Travel

• Infant or convertible car seat* (woo Graco snugride, this I alreayd know which one I want)!
• Stroller (also already decided on this one - am looking for a second hand one though b/c they're PRICEY)
• Diaper bag
• Changing pad
• Baby carrier/sling

For Mom

• Ice packs (in case of tearing during birth or swelling after)
• 2-3 week supply of ultra absorbent sanitary pads
• Panty liners
• Hemorrhoid wipes and cream (GREAT)

Question:

Why are ALL the baby items (i.e. strollers, car seats, cribs, crib bedding, decor) so UGLY? Everything is pastel with bunnies or some retro plaid, and I've never seen more frills in my life!

Call me crazy, but Baby Olivia (Loni's new bundle of joy) doesn't even see colour yet (unless it's a recent development) and she doesn't have strong vision beyond what's immediately in front of her. So why oh why do we decorate entire baby rooms in these cartoon-y baby colours that I'd never put in the rest of my house? The baby can't even SEE the colours or theme most likely. The parents are the ones who spend most waking time in the nursery and have good vision (with the aid of contact lenses!) so why not decorate in a way that can please both baby and parent?

I really like what Andy and Loni did with their kid's room. It's covered in toys - after all kids LIVE there and no one's expecting a baby room to not have toys, but for the most part, it's not overly "baby" or "kiddie". It matches the rest of their house. The walls are a mix between beige and olive green, the furniture is white and wooden, and their bedding is gender neutral - maybe partly because Matty and Dahlia switch bunks often :) The point is, I LOVE it that I walk into their fun, warm, kid's room and it's not like chuckie cheese or baby land, after all they're only babies for a short time and there will likely be more than 1 child in the room at a time, so for us, it's got to be universal.

Like these:

the BIG reveal

I can't wait, I can't wait, I can't wait!!!

Saturday February 13th is the BIG DAY, I'm going "public" with the pregnancy!

No more lies about why I'm not feeling so good, or having to miss work things (my work people know, but not my students), or why I'm forever wearing yoga pants :)

There's something so freeing about the 1st trimester being over, but once again worry and anxiety will never officially be something I don't have to fight out. I was telling Loni and Jess yesterday, I told myself "as long as I can get through the 1st trimester I won't worry about this baby!" and what a lie that was. I'll never stop having that healthy concern for the kids that I bore and love, but there's also the unhealthy side, the not trusting God side, that I so easily succumb to.

So with the 1st trimester over, I can foresee a million dangers and heart breaks with this baby that I already love. But for today, I can say, I'm trusting God. For today :)

people i miss.

lately as you know, I've been functioning at a highly REDUCED pace of life. Apart from work and sleep, I do next to nothing. When with work, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. The other day I had a full day on campus (not unusual but hard these days) and had 2 naps in the process. If I had a spare hour in between appointments, I would race in time for a 30 minute nap before heading back. I would normally see this as a waste of time and not worth the effort, but I'm THAT tired. And falling asleep on the metro is both scary and embarrassing - and I've done that twice.

I often say to Brad, "I miss being ME". He's been gracious to assure me that he loves me and that it's just a season and blah blah blah, but the reality is, I want to pick up the phone and call Missy and Catherine and just talk for hours. I want to meet Rachel for an early breakfast before 9am at Quoi De Neuf (when it's half price and just as glorious!). I want to hang out with Jamie for longer than an hour in the evenings, also meaning I want my bedtime to stretch later than 9pm. I want to have tea with Lydia and Jess again. I want to take Loni's kids swimming at the local pool and teach them how to swim like I was doing pre-prego, but that requires a level of energy that just doesn't exist right now. Ahhh... I am falling more in love with my baby every day, but I do miss my friends.

I keep being told that the energy levels will increase in the 2nd trimester, and I really hope it's true. The nausea is subsiding a bit so maybe it's a sign that the fatigue will too. Compared to many of my friends, my pregnancy hasn't been that difficult, it just seems like it I guess because most of my friends are able-bodied 23 year-olds who act like 23-year-olds... staying up late, meeting friends, having fun. I guess I just want to be ME again, but maybe the new me is more tired and I just have to figure out how to make that work with my relationships.

Then I remember, if the worst I'm feeling it tired and a bit nauseous to experience the joy and miracle of having a baby and starting a family - it's so worth it. It is. I just have forgotten that a few times lately and I need to remember it :)

losing my Dutch-like tendencies to save money every second...

We want four kids, so I feel like it's only fair (read: necessary) that I have at least one girl. Just one, ok? I can handle boys. I'm in love with Andy and Loni's 4 year old Matty even if he doesn't seem to reciprocate half the time. Plus Brad is from a family of 3 boys (no women. I know. tragic.) so we like boys around here.

But then you see booties like these by Gracious May and you rethink all your well-laid plans to save money, not spoil your kids or yourself, and not buy STUPID THINGS YOUR KIDS WILL JUST GROW OUT OF IN NO TIME.

But they're soooo pretty.

warning future baby: I know NOTHING

Loni, my dear friend and mentor in Montreal is due with her 3rd baby in 4 years any day now. She's actually like a ticking time bomb, but a beautiful one with gorgeous lean limbs and a basketball belly out to there.

Last night, Brad and I joined Jamie and James and Andy and Loni for a great dinner, movie (us girls watched Julie and Julia: by far the best Christmas present I received and movie I've seen in 2009) and game (the guys played some boring strategic-takes-2-hours-to-play game). Well, when Jamie (a complete nurturing natural and baby fanatic), me (trying to be a baby mama), and Loni (bursting prego and current mom of 2) get together the topic always veers in one direction: babies.

I'm pretty up on my pregnancy knowledge since we had a few near-baby-experiences in the early days of our marriage (and I say days literally, one scare was like 30 days in... Thank goodness it was just a late period!!) and since we began seriously considering starting a family this September. I've read other blogs like Vanessa's that took me through the week-by-week of her journey while pregs with both of her boys. I've watched the reality shows. I've read some articles. I've done a lot in terms of prepping myself for pregnancy.

Now, disclaimer: I have these resources (sites, friends, moms, etc) so they can be on-goingly informative when the pregnancy is over, so it won't be like I'm a total newb, but my conclusion from the conversation last night was this:

I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT BABIES.

PREGNANCY? YES. HEAPS. BABIES? ZERO.

warning lights/bells/whistles ensue! Every question I posed to Loni was answered not even by her but by my baby-less dear friend Jamie. Nursing, feeding times, progression, stages of a baby's life... How does she knows all of this?? Was Jamie a co-author to the famous "What To Expect in the First year" or something?
I wanted to wring Loni and Jamie out like a wet towel and drink up all of the dripped knowledge so I wouldn't be a complete idiot when my baby was born, Lord willing, and I was left to raise it.

Not to mention Loni was spouting off claims like "you'll just know when your baby needs to be fed in the middle of the night even if they don't cry" WHAT?! I sleep like a rock, and rumor has it, you're a tired wreck when you have a baby. I'll just know? HOW?! I know NOTHING. How will I just guess when the baby is hungry? Shocked and scared I just shook my head vowing to set an alarm for every 2 hours of the day. Oh yeah that was another one. Every 2 hours they feed. I had heard 3 somewhere in a blissful lie of an article. 2 hours. AH! So much to learn, Emily, so much.

So this is my confession. I probably know more than I should about pregnancy. But I know less than the average non-mom about babies.

poor investments?

Well, my birthday has come and gone, bringing with it many lovely gifts from friends and family. One such gift from my Mom resulted in my shopping (she gave me both cash and a Winners gift card - one of my favourite stores).
I got a couple thinjgs, a nice tank top that fits just perfectly, a new wonderful lime green wool sweater that may be the most cozy and beautiful thing I've worn since it's distant cousin that I bought from Winners last winter in pink from DNKY (another steal, love that store!!)

And then it hits me... I could be pregnant like NOW. I technically could be and not know, or even could be in a couple months... either way, these great new clothes purchased would be kind of a waste depending on how much of a bump I get (fingers crossed for a glorious, sizable baby bump!)

My friend Loni always says she has more maternity clothes than normal clothes since she's on her 3rd pregnancy in about 5-6 years. Makes sense. I need to think twice before spending money on clothes that may not fit in a few months... There's always next winter of course, and who really knows when we'll conceive. But it's some good food for thought... Maybe I'll stop saving up for that pair of dark denim jeans I've been drooling over and re-think the whole wardrobe of a non-pregnant woman thing seeing as how we're trying... But then again, if I'm not yet pregnant it's not really a poor investment after all. Hmmm...