but it's MY baby.

Is it?

There are SO many ethics to consider with adoption. One major one found in a lot of newborn adoptions, is when the birth mother wants the child back. THEIR child. That they carried and birthed. That has their DNA. That has their dad's nose and mom's eye colour.

The form of adoption we will be pursuing is through the foster care system (banque mixte, in Quebec). This won't be an issue, because the majority of children are in foster care because they've been removed and separated from their parents by law. Because the parents aren't fit to be parents. They don't get the option of saying "yeah, I'd like that back please", because those rights have been justly severed.

But what about when you adopt a newborn baby? Fresh from the hospital? Fresh from being delivered by the birth mother? It's harder. The birth mother has the right to change her mind. And as adoptive parents, it's easy to see THAT as wrong. How can she change her mind? The paper work is done! We've decorated and furnished a nursery! It's our baby! But is it? It's a really really swampy ethical dilemma.

I believe the baby belongs to her birth mother until the birth mother has, in right mind (read: not 24 hours after giving birth, under pressure of her boyfriend, etc) severed her rights to the child (giving the green light to adoption) or the law has decided that for her, to protect the child.

I'm grateful that God has put Banque Mixte adoption on our hearts, because it is a scary thought that if we adopted a child who wasn't already removed from their family, that that family could change their minds and want them back. And that would be agony for me as an adoptive mom. But I believe it would be ethical. And right. Painful, but honest.

What do you think?

ps - this post is largely influenced by This Post on White Sugar Brown Sugar

1 comment:

  1. I'm an adoptive mama of a 2 year old boy that we adopted at birth. In our state, the birth mom signs off her parental rights 24 to 48 hours after delivery. I loved the agency we worked with because they were very straightforward (and loving) with the birth moms and gave them opportunities to change their mind. Which for us, the adoptive parents, was very scary. While in the hospital, we allowed the birth mom to see Max as often as she wanted. As scary as that was, we wanted her to have every opportunity to do what she needed to do to be 100% sure about her decision.

    We are adopting again and I just have to remind myself often that God is in control and he knows exactly who are next child is going to be!

    Blessings on your adoption adventure!