who said pregnancy clothes are expen$ive?


My mom and sister visited this weekend and I got
nearly ALL of the necessary maternity clothes for under $150! I'm on cloud nine right now and I just wore jeans for the first time in 3-4 weeks. JEANS! Because these puppies are maternity, oooo ya! All of the clothes I got were ones I would totally wear if I weren't pregnant. Some of them were even not maternity but were just the perfect type of fit (i.e. SUPER long in the front and stretchy).


OLD NAVY...$82
Old Navy was great because this weekend they had their whole store at 30% off. Plus most of the maternity clothes I bought with the exception of the dresses were way marked down already, so we're talking 40% off of $6.95 in some cases!
  • 2 cute floral blouses (one yellow, one blue), one dressy black blouse (all blouses are short sleeve or 3/4 length), 1 orange tank top, 2 cute knee-length jersey cotton dresses (one black, the other white with grey stripes), 2 head bands (because they were ADORABLE....one had a tiny bow, the other 2 roses)
This was actually all non-maternity stuff but they has a deal going where you get 25% off if you spend $100 or more. With me, Lisa, and my mom, this was not hard.
  • one pink tank with attached scarf in the front, size large and perfectly stretchy and long, 2 pairs of cashmere socks, and one pair of opaque cranberry tights (ok most of this isn't necessarily "needed" except the tank, but the deals were enormous so I got some "pregnancy socks" which Brad laughs at along with my pregnancy shoes from Aldo for $15 - but to my defense, the shoes are slip on so I won't have to bend over making prego life much easier!)
This was the store I was paranoid to enter as I've heard time and time again, it's "soooo expensive!". Um, no it's NOT. You just need to buy at the right time and buy NOTHING at full price (which has always been my motto)
  • one pair of glamorous prego-jeans that fit perfectly and make me feel like a million bucks (this pair I tried on in Toronto while boxing-day shopping and was sad to hear they weren't on sale at all, and $70 was too much for me. Yesterday in Montreal the SAME pair was marked down to $39 with an additional 30% off!), and one 3/4 length dark purple shirt with a great neck line and pulling in all the right places!
I'm so thrilled and more sure than ever that I'll never pay full price for anything again! Feels good to have some clothes that fit and that I can look forward to wearing when I'm really big this spring and summer. Plus Loni lent me some skirts and shorts so I think I'm good to go minus some more tanks and t's :) Some pics below:

MM @ 10 weeks!



Mom and Lisa are here all weekend and I can barely contain my excitement!!!!

We're picking them up at the train station in 1 hour, and I've had 1 nap today and am trying for a 2nd...staying up late doesn't happen naturally anymore! And by late I mean 10 o'clock.

Happy weekend everybody, I know mine will be :)


people i miss.

lately as you know, I've been functioning at a highly REDUCED pace of life. Apart from work and sleep, I do next to nothing. When with work, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. The other day I had a full day on campus (not unusual but hard these days) and had 2 naps in the process. If I had a spare hour in between appointments, I would race in time for a 30 minute nap before heading back. I would normally see this as a waste of time and not worth the effort, but I'm THAT tired. And falling asleep on the metro is both scary and embarrassing - and I've done that twice.

I often say to Brad, "I miss being ME". He's been gracious to assure me that he loves me and that it's just a season and blah blah blah, but the reality is, I want to pick up the phone and call Missy and Catherine and just talk for hours. I want to meet Rachel for an early breakfast before 9am at Quoi De Neuf (when it's half price and just as glorious!). I want to hang out with Jamie for longer than an hour in the evenings, also meaning I want my bedtime to stretch later than 9pm. I want to have tea with Lydia and Jess again. I want to take Loni's kids swimming at the local pool and teach them how to swim like I was doing pre-prego, but that requires a level of energy that just doesn't exist right now. Ahhh... I am falling more in love with my baby every day, but I do miss my friends.

I keep being told that the energy levels will increase in the 2nd trimester, and I really hope it's true. The nausea is subsiding a bit so maybe it's a sign that the fatigue will too. Compared to many of my friends, my pregnancy hasn't been that difficult, it just seems like it I guess because most of my friends are able-bodied 23 year-olds who act like 23-year-olds... staying up late, meeting friends, having fun. I guess I just want to be ME again, but maybe the new me is more tired and I just have to figure out how to make that work with my relationships.

Then I remember, if the worst I'm feeling it tired and a bit nauseous to experience the joy and miracle of having a baby and starting a family - it's so worth it. It is. I just have forgotten that a few times lately and I need to remember it :)


dinner tonight

I make pizza most weeks. I love home-made dough and my parents always made it so I'm hooked on it. Love finding different random toppings that all fit together. Normally I don't use red sauce, I use olive oil with herbs, pesto, or mashed squash, but tonight I'm going red.

mozzarella, red cause (probably will use pasta sauce), caramelized oninions, white wine flavoured sausage, and tomatoes.

The Crust: I try a new crust practically every time from a different show on the food network or food blog, but this one is the best I've tried so now I'm staying with it:

Spelt Pizza Dough (by Anna Olsen)
  • 3/4 cup tepid water (105ºF)
  • 2 1/4 teaspoons instant dry yeast
  • 1 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup spelt flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 3 tablespoons olive oil
  1. Preheat oven to 500°F and place a baking tray or pizza stone in oven.
  2. For dough, stir water and yeast together, then stir in flours, salt and olive oil until dough becomes hard to work with a wooden spoon.
  3. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and knead for just 1 minute, until dough feels elastic. Place dough in a lightly oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and let rest for 30 minutes.
  4. Divide dough in 2 and, on a lightly floured surface, roll out each piece as thinly as possible, to about 9-inches across. Remove heating pan or stone from oven and sprinkle lightly with cornmeal.
  5. bake for 10-15 minutes.


Or on February 12th - when it opens.
That date also happens to be the 1st day of my 2nd TRIMESTER (or last day of my 1st, not 100% sure). Either way, cause for celebration.
(Click Vday for link to preview)

valentine's day


cravings, hope, and mom.

This week has been the same as the last for the most part. After getting my hopes up for the end of nausea and vomit, it returned with abundance. Still sleepy, still moody (but getting better!), still being spoiled by Brad (this week's gift was a plug for our bath since it never came with one and is a smallish bath so I've actually NEVER bathed in it). Same same same.

Although, as I enter into the 9th week of this pregnancy and almost the end of the 1st trimester I'm filled with hope. Hope that the baby will be healthy. Hope that I won't miscarry. Hope that I can do this whole, terrifying, natural birth thing. Hope. This part has made my days so much more joy-filled. When has Hope not been connected with Joy anyway? Think about it. Brad and I have spent a lot of time praying not only for a healthy baby, but for the right attitude in the midst of trial - miscarriage, complications, birth defects, the whole slew of potential problems. And since we've been praying not just for "our way" but for "the right heart if God's way isn't ours", my heart has been much more calm. And it's marking a huge difference from the previous weeks of anxiety.

Another change is that my cravings have changed yet again. I'm OFF meat. Like haven't had any in 2 weeks. Poor Brad. We're making a lot of pasta and eating a lot of eggs to get protein and I may be willing to have small bits of meat such as meat filled pasta or meat on a pizza, but the thought of cooking a whole chicken right now ... barf. literally. Thoughts are that powerful these days! And I was hooked on fruit for a long time, anything fresh basically, but it doesn't leave you will the satisfying fill that carbs and warm meals do. Case in point, mangoes. My obsession lately. I was eating one today and Lydia was eating a yummy spicy tomato soup and I was coveting it like no tomorrow. So long mangoes. Hello delicious hot soups.


I am so excited it's hard to put into words... I have missed them both so much since this pregnancy began. Not being able to share all my thoughts with them (hence, this blog was created), not being able to relax around them, or have them serve me (which they both love to do, read: SPOIL) with yummy meals, cuddles, advice, etc. And of course they're not just thinking of me, Mom has even said "we're just so excited to spoil Brad since he's been taking care of you so much, make him great meals, have red wine with him since you can't, etc". Isn't my family amazing? And did I mention they're COMING TO MONTREAL IN 4 MORE SLEEPS?


9 weeks with mini-morrice

that's right, this week mm is the size of a grape.

spoke too soon.

nausea and vomit are back. earlier than ever. this morning, new record: 5:35am. luckily today is a Saturday and I slept a long time after it.


losing my Dutch-like tendencies to save money every second...

We want four kids, so I feel like it's only fair (read: necessary) that I have at least one girl. Just one, ok? I can handle boys. I'm in love with Andy and Loni's 4 year old Matty even if he doesn't seem to reciprocate half the time. Plus Brad is from a family of 3 boys (no women. I know. tragic.) so we like boys around here.

But then you see booties like these by Gracious May and you rethink all your well-laid plans to save money, not spoil your kids or yourself, and not buy STUPID THINGS YOUR KIDS WILL JUST GROW OUT OF IN NO TIME.

But they're soooo pretty.

maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up...

I haven't been nauseous or thrown up in 2 days!!!
I'm one day shy of 9 weeks prego, so I'm in the 3rd month of pregnancy, but not done the 1st trimester (hence you're all still sworn to secrecy). Could the insane symptoms be ending?

please God please God please God please God!

The fatigue still hits me like a ton of bricks no matter what. I've actually now fallen asleep twice on the metro (which is only about 10 minutes from campus to home) in the last 10 days and have missed my stop, ending up somewhere far West of where I live. I'm also working a lot less than I was pre-prego and not knowing how I could possibly give 100% with the energy levels I'm experiencing, but could this too be winding down? No sign yet of tiredness ending - in fact 2 days ago I napped TWICE. Before going to bed at a normal hour. But that I feel I can handle. Throwing up at the mall and in my kitchen - they've got to stop. And they ARE.

Stay tuned, fingers crossed.


The English Patient

I'm officially a patient at Saint Mary's Hospital in Montreal, QC!

It's such a relief to have that all finalized, after 3 grueling hours today, waiting in lines, being poked and prodded, throwing up in waiting rooms... you get the picture :)

I heard from Loni that her OBGYN was amazing, so I called her up and thankfully she can see me throughout my pregnancy... but not until MARCH 2! That's like 1.5 whole months from where we are right now. However, her intense secretary said that cancellations are common, so chances are I could see Dr. Hall in February or even January (if I'm really lucky!) but I'd have to get my preliminaries done ASAP since who knows, they could call me tomorrow and ask to see me Thursday ... a girl can dream right?

So Brad and I head to Dr. Hall's office this morning for 10am. Who would have known she was in a building of like a thousand other OBGYNs? We finally found her after a not so easy running through the halls reading names on doors and several elevator rides up and down ( read: setting the mood for barf). Paper work - and it was work - had to be done (don't you wish these forms were electronic? I wrote my address 5 times in a row) but then we were sent to St. Mary's which was just down the road for all the tests.

Blood, urine, booking appointments for the ultrasound. All kind of nerve wracking and I was thankful Brad was able to take the 3 hours away from work to be with me. The largest reason I wanted him with me was I was assuming there would be a lot more French in the health system, and as an Anglo patient, who speaks worse French when shes stressed and tired (i.e. TODAY), I didn't want to miss anything. But I was so impressed at the complete bi-lingual nature of the hospital - every form, nurse, doctor, orderly, sign, label. Everything. When they were calling our number we even listened and heard "FORTY-TWO, QUARANTE-DEUX!" How encouraging. See even Dr. Hall speaks perfect English but I was worried if I go into labour and she's not on call I may get a Francophone Doctor and miss a lot of what's happening. Likely not the case after my experience today.

So I got my hospital admittance card, a huge text book of all the rights and regulations in the province of Quebec for parents (like did you know they'll plant a tree for our child if we request it? For free. A tree. To set it's carbon offset and to GROW WITH THEM. AW!) Love it.

I also learned we'll get $100/baby/month and more after 3 babies, and $55/month is MINE just for breastfeeding. To encourage women that "breast is best" the government of QC is paying me to do it! Thank you very much QC!

It was definitely a long day and I have a fear of needles so the whole blood part wasn't my favourite, but having Brad there through it all was amazing. We made jokes about unnecessary hospital positions (like the man who just called out the numbers in the waiting room, though even the deli has a computer that flashes the number instead!) and dreamed of how different our lives will be the next time we leave St. Marys - on a warm August day with a new baby :)


books on the go

Lately I'm in bed a lot, with little energy to do anything but read (and when I'm nauseous reading goes out the window too since for some reason it makes things worse).

I just finished 2 great easy-reads that my friend Lydia calls "Chick-Lit" since they're novels basically about things girls care about: romance, clothes, the stuff that just washes over you like an episode of Friends or Grey's Anatomy.
Something Blue was actually a sequel to a book I hadn't read, but I chose it since I read it was about a woman who becomes pregnant at a non-ideal time in her life. I can't relate with the non-ideal part, but since I'm all about pregnancy these days it seemed good. Plus I found it at the Salvation Army in Newmarket, ON for $2.00. Can't beat that! It's a cute, easy read and I finished it super fast but it was fun and I'd recommend it. If anyone wants to borrow it, lemmie know!

At the same Salvation Army I found What To Expect When You're Expecting and What To Expect The First Year, also each for $2.00 each. These 3 books were the most fun because I bought them the week I found out I was pregnant.

Another book I recently finished was kind of a "Chick-Lit" with culture. Girls of Riyadh follows the lives of 4 women living in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, present day. It interested me so much partly because I'm fascinated by the Middle East and Muslims Countries (such as those in North Africa that we're fairly invested in through work) and partly because I love seeing the human side of places so far away I'll probably never visit, like Saudi. It's amazing that in some places women can still be forced to marry men they despise, even if they are the most educated and elite women in that country. Imagine those who have less leverage. But what a great book. I have several friends living the same lives as these girls. Practicing Islam, being from or living in Muslim Countries that are quite conservative, yet still having a side to them that would surprise most westerners. Again, I'm done if you'd like to borrow it.

Finally, Now that I'm done the recent books I bought/received, I'm onto a couple I had begun sometime ago and never finished. The Arabs, Journey Beyond The Mirage is written by a reporter who lived in Egypt for 5 years while covering news for a major broadcasting company in the Middle East and North Africa. It's really interesting, and I'd bought it for our trip over to North Africa before Christmas but I was quite nauseous during that trip (read: pregnant but didn't know it!) and only got 1/2 way through. Can't wait to work on it.

In the same boat is French Kiss, Steven Harper's Blind Date With Quebec which I mentioned to Brad I'd wanted last year and he surprised me with one day. That's a HARD read (according to me) and is taking a while. Every page is laced with political background that I'm learning about as I read (and I used to say I was "into" politics! This book tells me I know nothing!). But it's educating and it's about the province I live in and love and the realm of politics which I used to think I loved and now just admire from afar...like really far.


8 weeks!

is 56 days,

is 2 MONTHS.


hard to believe it's been that long when I'm feeling good, and hard to believe it's only been that long when I'm puking... I guess 50% of the time I'm anticipating the 2nd trimester with gusto, and 50% of the time I'm amazed that I've come this far.


best... afternoon... ever

Today I dragged myself out the door, against my own will, mostly to satisfy my husband.
See Brad had booked me a prenatal massage that I was skeptical about (I usually get massages at a spa near our house, and this one would require that I take the metro, plus walk for 15 minutes, both things I was strongly opposed to given the fatigue and nausea I was experiencing). Oh and he booked me one last week which I canceled so this really was necessary. So I went. Urg.

Off to a rocky start, I knock on the door (yes, it was at a woman's house...kinda sketch I thought) and she says "Oh I had you down for 4:00pm"! Note, it was 2:45pm. Are you kidding me? Thankfully Elise was able to take me anyway, saying she could push another appointment back. And I'm like GEE THANKS. I would hope I wasn't going to suffer for your clerical error. Add emotional to the list of symptoms, though this was all in my head mind you, not actually coming out in the form of words, though my face may or may not have given away my true feelings.

SO we begin. I tell her, as I do all of my massage therapists that I'd prefer she focus on my back, shoulders, arms, and face since I enjoy that the most thoroughly and am not ticklish as I am from the waste down. She calmly and perfectly nicely explains that she's "been doing this for 10 years and will once again, today, be doing a FULL body massage." What? I thought it was up to the customer. Who is this crazy lady? Aren't I paying? Aren't massages supposed to be relaxing? I'll be falling off the table, doesn't she get that?

So I continue to explain that it's usually not a problem and that I may have a hard time relaxing due to the extreme tickling that I was sure would take place. She asks me to "trust her". I tell her, and mostly my inner bitter self that I will try.

She begins. Ahhh lavender, my favourite scent, fills the room. She STARTS with the legs (let's get it over with I guess?) but here's the thing: I LOVE IT. She isn't giving a normal relaxation massage, she's giving a prenatal massage, and it's actually different! I had expected the same old same old, relaxing if they do it my way kind of deal... but Elise knew FAR more than I about what I needed. She continues and I'm in heaven. With my head down I was also experiencing worse nausea than before, but all the sudden it dissipates. I feel amazing. Not sick, not achy, not tired, not nauseous. AMAZING. ALIVE.

Massages in the past feel great but leave me feeling tired and groggy and wanting to stay on the table forever instead of facing the cold harsh outdoors. But this was different, after the 1 hour was up I felt so much healthier than I had in weeks, like I could conquer the world. I craved food (and the last little while all food has seemed disgusting to me except cereal and plain pasta... I know, how tasty...) I had the energy to jump off the table and I even planned to do some groceries on the way home. I started planning dinner for Brad and I. I started thinking about what we could do on this Friday evening (see the last few nights have resulted in me sleeping by 9pm). An hour surely had made a monumental difference on my health and life as it were. ONE HOUR! ONE MASSAGE. ELISE!

I also had my first positive reaction to my young age by a Montreal-er. Here in Montreal the birth-rate is in the negatives and the culture is such that people don't get married, don't have kids, and don't settle down, unless it's an accident or they're over 35. Generally speaking. Elise, who is also a natural path and certified pre-natal masseuse (one of the only ones in the downtown area, probably because of the low birth-rate I'd imagine), was thrilled to hear I was only 23.

"Your labour will surely be easier than many of my other clients who are in their 40s and having their first baby"


"...I'm just so excited about the health of your baby! Your young age will drastically impact your baby's health for the positive"


"...you'll find that as the first trimester winds down many of the symptoms will dissipate and due to your age you'll find you have even more energy than the average first time mom in her 30s or 40s."

i'm counting on it.

"...and if you haven't already thought about a natural birth, I'd implore you to think about it. Many women, especially my clients in their 30s and 40s' bodies can't take it as easily as a young woman like yourself. Because you're so healthy, young, flexible (yes she said this!), and long-limbed (whatever that means!), you could easily do this! With the right breathing exercises, there's no reason you shouldn't consider a natural, though more painful, birth. So many women just can't take it and have no faith in themselves even if they can... Please consider it!"


Maybe it was the fact that this afternoon began in pain and grogginess and ended in motivation, comfort, and a new found energy, but I'm seriously considering what Elise said. Amidst the discomfort I'm experiencing now, drugs seem like the only answer, and easiest solution. But am I just throwing in the towel before the fight even starts? I know it will be excruciating to give birth, but who said it should be easy?

Elise also offered me some natural ideas to help with my nausea that I'm excited to give a try. I've tried ginger tea but the taste now is just too much and I haven't seen positive enough of results to continue gulping it down. But sesame seeds? Love those, and they apparently aid the hormone-induced nausea. I'll definitely try anything at this point, in the haze of nausea-free happiness I'm currently dwelling in.

What a great day :)


shout outs

Since you're reading this, you obviously like blogs. I love them. Love. I have no desire to watch TV (other than Heroes, and the occasional Grey's episode) and lately I'm not so into movies (since our DVD player is in getting fixed we've grown apart...) but Blogs I love. They are my entertainment, education (mostly in things design and parenting related), sure highlights of the day.

I started reading Eddy's Blog, Life In Grace and she's great. Shes definitely different than my normal influences (she's from the Southern US for starters!!) but she's got great design ideas, has a huge family, and is a Christian who's been through a lot along the way (read: shes not your squeaky clean saint with no back story). Which is partly why I love her. She's not someone who you feel like you can't touch. Sure she's a doctor who chose to stay home and raise her 6 kids which I admire, but she's humble and not intimidating.

All this to say, Eddy posted some blogs she likes and I thus found some new favourites:

Ashley Ann

- check out the DIY bird wall art! Can't wait to do this in our nursery!

Pink Polka Dot

- everything on here is just so pretty. Love Love Love it all. Love her salvaging of old wooden furniture into beautiful useful things, love her photography, etc.

Pleated Poppy

- love the headboard she made, that she likes Country Living (my next magazine to subscribe to!), and what she did what that old door - brilliant!


- her kitchen remodel....drool. love it. And another woman with lots on her plate (not to mention a bundle of kids!) who seems to be juggling fairly well :)



all i wanna do

is barf.

Sounds weird, but nausea stops when I throw up, and I've been in the bathroom on the verge since 5am this morning.

Put me out of my misery and just doooo it!

In other news, Brad is adorable and began a "surprise each week" today. Starting with a quiz about our baby's development (mm has a tongue now!) he then asked me how to take care of a tongue... After a few more leading questions I was lead to the bathroom cabinet where a new book "Girls of Riyadh" that I've been wanting to read for months was sitting, nestled beside the tooth brushes!

I tried reading it a bit today but it made my nausea worse- but what a mood lifter!


bedroom makeover

since I'm spending so much more time in bed these days (napping and night sleep is totaling around 11-12 hours a day) I decided to give my bedroom a bit of a makeover since I was getting tired of the same thing for 1/2 the day, every day.

ditched the duvet cover for simple white blanket over the plain duvet:

bought a new lamp shade at Salvation Army to match the white and added some leftover fabric from when I made jam this Christmas to cover the bedside table:

Made and hung a new piece of wall art (the clear frame with cool business cards we collected last summer at a food festival in Old Montreal) over the lamp, which I could only do evenly since I moved the bed much farther to the left (now I'm a lot closer to the window which is the downfall, because it's colder):

More fabric on the dresser:

The Whole Room :)

The whole room changes cost about $5 ($2 for the lamp and estimating $3 for the leftover fabric) but it looks quite different - just don't have the before pics to prove it :) G'night!



That's exactly how I feel.

I've been cancelling on friends and work all month. I've made pretty pathetic dinners if at all for brad and I (and cooking isn't a chore for me, it's something that I genuinely love doing and normally continue when I'm under the weather). And those are the nights I can stand to be around food at all.

2 days ago I was making breakfast for my staff team and the smells (delicious cinnamon bun smells) were too much so I puked in the kitchen sink. Last night I felt so nauseous and dizzy that I couldn't bare the crappy frozen
Pizza we were having and settled for crackers, in the meantime skipping the 1st weekly meeting at McGill of 2010. And as I write this I've just thrown up, cancelled an appointment with a student I love, and left my Concordia staff team to fill my gaps at a food fair Campus for Christ was invited to take part in. I feel completely useless.

I can deal with the sickness, constipation, many food aversions, and lack of sleep. It's the bailing on other people constantly and giving 70% when I gave 100% just 2 short months ago. It's feeling like I'm not pulling my weight and letting my friends, husband, and coworkers down. I've heard rumors of the second trimester being a breeze- I'll hit mine just after reading week. Can't wait to be ME again.


milestone 1

Last night, for the first time since the first week of December I slept through the night. Glory!

I've been waking up between 2 and 4 times per night for the last 6 weeks to pee, and then when I'm awake the nausea hits me and I feel sick or am sick for the next hour or so, resulting in a 2nd bathroom break, and hopefully sleep. It was nice knowing the first month or so are the worst for frequent urination, because that season is winding down (wow, almost 7 weeks already!)

When I woke up this morning to day light I was literally shocked. And to think, I JUST got into the hang of things: brought a tall glass of water to bed as I was becoming dehydrated after so many bathroom trips, brought some crackers to munch on to counteract the nausea, started assuming an hour when I could to nap, etc. And just like that, I slept through the night. What a pathetic milestone! But we (yes because Brad bears the brunt of these horrible nights often) were thrilled!

I thought God was having me awake every 2 hours to prepare me for when I'll have to breast feed in the wee hours of the morning, but maybe he's also preparing me for celebrating tiny milestones in my own baby as I did this morning at the full 7 hours of sleep I got :)


Mum WAS the word: SECRET'S OUT!

Much opposed to my original plan to wait 3 months, mums no longer the word. Mom is.


I'm 6 1/2 weeks in counting, found out a couple of days before Christmas, and have been happily nauseous, deliriously tired, and unfortunately hormonal ever since.

Mark my words: I am NOT complaining. I am over the moon grateful and so completely aware of the miracle happening inside me at this very moment. I've prayed for friend's through difficulty in fertility and miscarriages and I know both the grace I don't deserve in this pregnancy, and the potential for tragedy. The fact that there's a beating heart so close to my own right now is an act of God that I can't wrap my head around. I just can't hold it in anymore.

We planned to keep this to ourselves for the classic 3 months other than our families, but my symptoms proved extremely obvious especially at Winter Conference when we were surrounded by so many of our dear friends and I kept having to cancel plans and get people to cover my shifts as I was vomiting and unable to stay awake because the nausea would keep me up at night. When we told certain people they weren't surprised at all because what other perfectly healthy, trying-to-conceive, newly married, young woman is just barfing. For days on end. For no reason? Let's not forget Swine Flu is still a real concern for many people so we couldn't just leave them guessing...

So there you have it women. Please pray for me and mini-morrice as my dear friend Cath has named him or her. The possibilities of miscarriage scare me but at the same time, if it were to happen, I wouldn't want to go through it alone, I would want prayer and love and support from as many people as possible - so the secret is out. Sort of.

You're all special to me and that's why you're reading this blog in the first place. We've only told our closest friends, family, and our staff team in Montreal so now that you know, please refrain from telling ANYBODY. It's special news that we hope to deliver to our more extended circle 6 weeks from now if all goes according to plan.


warning future baby: I know NOTHING

Loni, my dear friend and mentor in Montreal is due with her 3rd baby in 4 years any day now. She's actually like a ticking time bomb, but a beautiful one with gorgeous lean limbs and a basketball belly out to there.

Last night, Brad and I joined Jamie and James and Andy and Loni for a great dinner, movie (us girls watched Julie and Julia: by far the best Christmas present I received and movie I've seen in 2009) and game (the guys played some boring strategic-takes-2-hours-to-play game). Well, when Jamie (a complete nurturing natural and baby fanatic), me (trying to be a baby mama), and Loni (bursting prego and current mom of 2) get together the topic always veers in one direction: babies.

I'm pretty up on my pregnancy knowledge since we had a few near-baby-experiences in the early days of our marriage (and I say days literally, one scare was like 30 days in... Thank goodness it was just a late period!!) and since we began seriously considering starting a family this September. I've read other blogs like Vanessa's that took me through the week-by-week of her journey while pregs with both of her boys. I've watched the reality shows. I've read some articles. I've done a lot in terms of prepping myself for pregnancy.

Now, disclaimer: I have these resources (sites, friends, moms, etc) so they can be on-goingly informative when the pregnancy is over, so it won't be like I'm a total newb, but my conclusion from the conversation last night was this:



warning lights/bells/whistles ensue! Every question I posed to Loni was answered not even by her but by my baby-less dear friend Jamie. Nursing, feeding times, progression, stages of a baby's life... How does she knows all of this?? Was Jamie a co-author to the famous "What To Expect in the First year" or something?
I wanted to wring Loni and Jamie out like a wet towel and drink up all of the dripped knowledge so I wouldn't be a complete idiot when my baby was born, Lord willing, and I was left to raise it.

Not to mention Loni was spouting off claims like "you'll just know when your baby needs to be fed in the middle of the night even if they don't cry" WHAT?! I sleep like a rock, and rumor has it, you're a tired wreck when you have a baby. I'll just know? HOW?! I know NOTHING. How will I just guess when the baby is hungry? Shocked and scared I just shook my head vowing to set an alarm for every 2 hours of the day. Oh yeah that was another one. Every 2 hours they feed. I had heard 3 somewhere in a blissful lie of an article. 2 hours. AH! So much to learn, Emily, so much.

So this is my confession. I probably know more than I should about pregnancy. But I know less than the average non-mom about babies.