curve ball #4

This pregnancy has been full of curve balls. Unlike any other pregnancy we've had, we've known trial, we've known waiting, we've known uncertainty, we've known fear. Girlfriend wants us on our toes, apparently :)

Recently we experienced our forth curve ball.

first, a re cap, if you're lost :)

Curve ball #1: Not getting pregnancy easily. All of our pregnancies until now happened the first month we tried. This pregnancy took 6 months. Not forever, but it felt like it and we learned a lot in the waiting.

Curve ball #2: They couldn't find the heart beat at my first visit. Some others said this was normal and that it happened to them and they didn't worry at all - awesome. We did. My doctor did too, since my other two babies had super strong heartbeats as early as 10 weeks. Thankfully an internal ultrasound confirmed her beating heart and ours started beating again, too.

Curve ball #3: A mere week after the heartbeat fiasco, I had cramping in my lower abdomen so terrible I couldn't walk. Brad was in the States for an MDiv course and I was with the kids alone. I was in so much pain I was lying on the floor unable to get up. Friends took me to the hospital and I was sure I was miscarrying. I wasn't, and the pain never returned. Strange and terrifying.

Now we're up to date! I'm full term (prego stats will end now that we're so close to the end, if you were wondering!), and in the last couple of weeks, another curve ball.

Curve ball #4: Baby is transverse (horizontal in my womb) and then breech (head up in my womb) past 35 weeks. It's said that after 35 weeks, the baby should be in the head down position, because she runs out of room to move much after that. The vast majority of babies are head down by 35 weeks, and even more by 37 weeks. Generally by 37 weeks (today) if a baby isn't head down, she won't go head down. Doctors can attempt to manipulate the uterus and turn her, deliver the baby breech (which can have complications), or suggest a C-Section (which is also riskier than a vaginal birth and something I was hoping not to have for my final birth).

Little Sister was flopping between full-on breech and transverse constantly over the last two weeks. I could see every kick (in my side) and it was clear by looking at my stomach where she was. That's what happens when the baby is big enough and has not much room - her kicks and rolls become very entertaining and clear.

I had asked several friends to pray Thursday morning at 10:30am for my appointment, where we'd see for sure and then talk about my options. As of Wednesday night she was definitely breech still. I could feel and see that. And by 11:30am, she was head down, in perfect position for vaginal birth.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Boom.

God answers prayer, sometimes so clearly it makes my eyes water.

This pregnancy has made us rely on Him constantly and I'm thankful for that. Now I can look ahead to a somewhat familiar experience (child birth) in the coming couple weeks and not have to worry about an all-new surgery with a long recovery (remember, I have no local family and two toddlers!).

Thank you Thank you Thank you, Jesus.

Oli's Birth Story {part 4}

While Brad fumbled to contact our planned babysitter, I was starting to get excited. I knew I was going to meet my boy today, but had no idea what to expect. I'd heard with Lily that first babies are always on time or late, and that first babies generally take well over 12 hours to deliver. Lily was 8 days early, and born in 7 hours. So what did this mean for baby number two?

Erika was at a conference with no cell phone reception and after several calls and texts, we realized we needed to contact a back up ASAP. Thankfully another dear friend, Lindsay, was free and eager to help. She was at our house within 20 minutes, just in time for Erika to text me and say "I'm sorry! Do you need me to come over!?" haha. Lindsay held down the fort instead, so she was able to tell our friends who were also at the conference the exciting news and pray for us.

After giving a few instructions and tips to Lindsay, Brad raced to St. Marys just in time for them to break my water. Yes, my water had broken the night before, but not fully. Which explains the lack of contractions or additional fluid. After a huge GOOSH and tons more water I was in active labour within minutes. This was around 4pm and we were joking that Oli should hurry up so we could catch the 7pm Habs game. Little did we know, he was listening :)

I knew after enduring many hours of excruciating contractions with Lily that I wanted an epidural EARLY this time around. I didn't have the guilt or worry like I did last time, I was on a mission. Every nurse that came in I was like "don't forget the epidural!" even though my contractions were still tolerable. So when the doctor came in to give me the epidural we thought it was smooth sailing from here on out. By 6:30pm the contractions were getting very painful (but not as bad as I knew they get!) and my epidural was yet to set in. He said wait another ten minutes, but in the meantime the contractions were intolerably painful and I had dilated to 10cm. WHAT!? Yep. Second babies come fast. And epidurals don't always work.

I was panicking a great deal because I'd not mentally prepared to deliver Oli without pain relief. I've heard of friends who opt to go au natural, but they are also mentally preparing (especially with Hypobirthing) for weeks and even months before. I just kept crying out to Brad "why isn't it working?!" but of course I was too far gone for them to try a second time. This was very scarring to me and made the birth experience difficult. If the epidural worked, that would be been great. If I didn't get one, and experienced the pain, but planned for it, that would have been better than this. But not knowing you're going to experience such awful pain and then getting a big ol' SURPRISE at your most vulnerable was bad bad bad times.

Thankfully my OB was on call that night and she was wonderful. Same with my labour nurse who birthed 4 daughters in 5 years. She was such a friend to me during that time. She grieved with me that I was feeling unexpected pain, she voiced my emotions when I couldn't (think "I know this isn't fair Emily, but you are doing amazing!"), and cheered me on as I was pushing my heart out.  Highly encouraging people were all around me, which made the unplanned element less awful, but I'd still never go that route again.

Let me just say, birth is a gory affair. It's not pretty, even though it's beautiful. Having experienced child birth with the epidural and without, I'd go epidural, hands down, for our next baby. I can't even imagine choosing that pain! Yes, I survived, but gollllllllllllllly it hurt. And it didn't need to. Can you tell I'm still a little bruised by the whole thing? A little.

My OB was great at telling when I should push and when I should just let my body naturally move him out. It was like ten minutes of the most painful game of red light green light, but it helped me deliver Oli with no tearing which was great. And after ten minutes, there he was. My boy. She slid him right onto my chest and there he stayed for almost an hour. I stayed in the delivery room for near two hours, just cuddling, breastfeeding, bonding. In the end, of course, it was worth it and amazing.

post-birth update

Just as my pregnancy, labour, and delivery of Oli was quite different than with Lily, I'm finding the same goes for after the fact. Here's some deets!

Pain following birth was substantially less this time around. Could also be by comparison to the pain during birth (that's right, my epidural didn't take and I.felt.everything. but more on that later...)

Pain peeing, passing gass, and going number 2 (you know you were wondering!) was substantially less this time too, if at all.

Post-birth contractions (brought on by nursing) were far worse this time around. And are lasting far longer (as in still goin' strong. ouch.)

Engorgement with breast milk was severe this time. Much more painful, inhibited ability to latch and nurse for days (thankful for a hospital grade pump allowing me to still offer breast milk), and lasted longer

Breast milk production so far has been higher (praise God!), especially now that I'm nursing and/or pumping every 3 hours and engorgement has subsided.

Fatigue is still a huge challenge but also easier this time. Probably because of perspective. Lily needs me and daily naps aren't promised to me, so you adapt.

Emotions are more stable too. Everything was slightly less emotional (in a good way) from labour to birth to adapting to the first week at home. We knew what to expect, we were more prepared, we'd been there before. All huge assets in parenting and in change.

Baby bump is vanishing, far quicker than last time. Not the newly added stretch marks that didn't make an appearance with Lily. I think they're here to stay. Joy. 

But my baby bump is nearly gone. Maybe since the uterine contractions are so much stronger? I've heard those contractions are why breastfeeding mothers find their bumps disappear a bit faster.

There you have it! All in all, I'm doing well. Many have asked and I appreciate that so much. We're all working together to make this transition possible but it's definitely hard. I blogged about that over at {our nest in the city} today, check it out if you like.

I'll keep this blog partly because of our desire to adopt (and thus, chart that journey just as we've done so our pregnancies), and partly because though we're 99% sure we're done having biological kids, you never know what God has in store. Thank for following along with me the second time around!

xoxo

Lily & Oli's Mama

on birth plans...

We made one the first time around.

Didn't follow it.

Felt horrible and like a failure for not doing so, too.

This time around, our plan is to trust our doctors, see how we're feeling, see how baby's doing, and go with the flow. 

I'm assuming an epidural is in the works, and that a C-section is not (baby's head is down as of this week), but no matter what happens, it's going to be an amazing day, in 15 days of less :)

I'm so excited to give birth again, to meet a new baby again, and to be part of the incredible story of a human's life again, but I'm not holding too tightly to any which way of doing it. Recently I read an article on what a crying shame it is for a woman's birth plan to not be followed through, and honestly, it made me sad. It's only that great a shame if the most important thing that day is the way one gives birth and not the end result. I think those opinions set us up for failure if everything doesn't go exactly to plan. If our bodies, or our pain tolerance, or our babies, or our doctor doesn't agree with THE PLAN, that somehow the experience is ruined.

Nothing will ruin BDAY, so long as the baby born is healthy. I say, write one if it will help you process and prepare for birth, but hold it with an extremely open hand and forgive yourself if when it doesn't go according to plan.

Loved the recent episode of Up All Night, where Regan and Chris have the baby. It made me cry even though it's a comedy (doesn't take much these days!), and laugh because I remember being just like her - holding so tightly to my birthing plan and feeling horrible when things didn't pan out. Thankfully before BDAY was through, Regan (and I) came to terms with the right priorities (healthy baby, healthy mom, no matter what) and weren't as devastated when we saw our plans fly out the window as we were when the first started taking flight.

Watch and enjoy!

best... afternoon... ever

Today I dragged myself out the door, against my own will, mostly to satisfy my husband.
See Brad had booked me a prenatal massage that I was skeptical about (I usually get massages at a spa near our house, and this one would require that I take the metro, plus walk for 15 minutes, both things I was strongly opposed to given the fatigue and nausea I was experiencing). Oh and he booked me one last week which I canceled so this really was necessary. So I went. Urg.

Off to a rocky start, I knock on the door (yes, it was at a woman's house...kinda sketch I thought) and she says "Oh I had you down for 4:00pm"! Note, it was 2:45pm. Are you kidding me? Thankfully Elise was able to take me anyway, saying she could push another appointment back. And I'm like GEE THANKS. I would hope I wasn't going to suffer for your clerical error. Add emotional to the list of symptoms, though this was all in my head mind you, not actually coming out in the form of words, though my face may or may not have given away my true feelings.

SO we begin. I tell her, as I do all of my massage therapists that I'd prefer she focus on my back, shoulders, arms, and face since I enjoy that the most thoroughly and am not ticklish as I am from the waste down. She calmly and perfectly nicely explains that she's "been doing this for 10 years and will once again, today, be doing a FULL body massage." What? I thought it was up to the customer. Who is this crazy lady? Aren't I paying? Aren't massages supposed to be relaxing? I'll be falling off the table, doesn't she get that?

So I continue to explain that it's usually not a problem and that I may have a hard time relaxing due to the extreme tickling that I was sure would take place. She asks me to "trust her". I tell her, and mostly my inner bitter self that I will try.

She begins. Ahhh lavender, my favourite scent, fills the room. She STARTS with the legs (let's get it over with I guess?) but here's the thing: I LOVE IT. She isn't giving a normal relaxation massage, she's giving a prenatal massage, and it's actually different! I had expected the same old same old, relaxing if they do it my way kind of deal... but Elise knew FAR more than I about what I needed. She continues and I'm in heaven. With my head down I was also experiencing worse nausea than before, but all the sudden it dissipates. I feel amazing. Not sick, not achy, not tired, not nauseous. AMAZING. ALIVE.

Massages in the past feel great but leave me feeling tired and groggy and wanting to stay on the table forever instead of facing the cold harsh outdoors. But this was different, after the 1 hour was up I felt so much healthier than I had in weeks, like I could conquer the world. I craved food (and the last little while all food has seemed disgusting to me except cereal and plain pasta... I know, how tasty...) I had the energy to jump off the table and I even planned to do some groceries on the way home. I started planning dinner for Brad and I. I started thinking about what we could do on this Friday evening (see the last few nights have resulted in me sleeping by 9pm). An hour surely had made a monumental difference on my health and life as it were. ONE HOUR! ONE MASSAGE. ELISE!

I also had my first positive reaction to my young age by a Montreal-er. Here in Montreal the birth-rate is in the negatives and the culture is such that people don't get married, don't have kids, and don't settle down, unless it's an accident or they're over 35. Generally speaking. Elise, who is also a natural path and certified pre-natal masseuse (one of the only ones in the downtown area, probably because of the low birth-rate I'd imagine), was thrilled to hear I was only 23.

"Your labour will surely be easier than many of my other clients who are in their 40s and having their first baby"

score.

"...I'm just so excited about the health of your baby! Your young age will drastically impact your baby's health for the positive"

sweet.

"...you'll find that as the first trimester winds down many of the symptoms will dissipate and due to your age you'll find you have even more energy than the average first time mom in her 30s or 40s."

i'm counting on it.

"...and if you haven't already thought about a natural birth, I'd implore you to think about it. Many women, especially my clients in their 30s and 40s' bodies can't take it as easily as a young woman like yourself. Because you're so healthy, young, flexible (yes she said this!), and long-limbed (whatever that means!), you could easily do this! With the right breathing exercises, there's no reason you shouldn't consider a natural, though more painful, birth. So many women just can't take it and have no faith in themselves even if they can... Please consider it!"

done.

Maybe it was the fact that this afternoon began in pain and grogginess and ended in motivation, comfort, and a new found energy, but I'm seriously considering what Elise said. Amidst the discomfort I'm experiencing now, drugs seem like the only answer, and easiest solution. But am I just throwing in the towel before the fight even starts? I know it will be excruciating to give birth, but who said it should be easy?

Elise also offered me some natural ideas to help with my nausea that I'm excited to give a try. I've tried ginger tea but the taste now is just too much and I haven't seen positive enough of results to continue gulping it down. But sesame seeds? Love those, and they apparently aid the hormone-induced nausea. I'll definitely try anything at this point, in the haze of nausea-free happiness I'm currently dwelling in.

What a great day :)