boys and girls

Most of you know that I'm a girl's girl. My hobbies include shopping and baking and I have never even thought about the reality that I could be the mom of boys, or even all boys.

I think it all began when my parents didn't have sons. And then my aunts and uncles closest to us didn't either. It was a girl's party. My cousins Maggie, Sarah, and Alysha were the extended family we spent the most time with, leaving zero room for boys to enter the brain. Then there were my dolls/barbies/imaginary friends: ALL GIRLS. Noticing a trend here? Not to mention I've never been the girl who's best buddies with guys... All my closest friends throughout the years have been Caily's, Tess's, Missy's, Catherine's, and Jamie's... GIRLS.

Naturally this is could all change in 6 weeks and I think it's just hitting me recently. Of course Brad is probably the most comfortable with boys since he has only brothers and I'll be thrilled no matter what the sex is, but part of me is a bit nervous of the potential of having a boy, or down the road, all boys. Can I swing it? I'm no hockey mom and I don't really "get" boys. But who knows?

At church I taught Sunday school today and there are two boys (brothers) who I adore. Miguel and Manuel. I thought to myself today: if my kids are like these, I could do boys! Often I get epiphanies like this, you know seeing the great things that boys bring to the table that girls can't, or thinking about how great it would be to "gain a daughter instead of lose a son" as they say in marriage, or the possibility for my future daughters having an older brother always looking out for them. I never had that and always was slightly jealous of those who did.

So we'll see. My 20 week ultra sound where I get to know the sex is in 6 weeks. I'll keep you all posted, and in the meantime, any advice on boys is welcome!

people i miss.

lately as you know, I've been functioning at a highly REDUCED pace of life. Apart from work and sleep, I do next to nothing. When with work, I'm struggling to keep my head above water. The other day I had a full day on campus (not unusual but hard these days) and had 2 naps in the process. If I had a spare hour in between appointments, I would race in time for a 30 minute nap before heading back. I would normally see this as a waste of time and not worth the effort, but I'm THAT tired. And falling asleep on the metro is both scary and embarrassing - and I've done that twice.

I often say to Brad, "I miss being ME". He's been gracious to assure me that he loves me and that it's just a season and blah blah blah, but the reality is, I want to pick up the phone and call Missy and Catherine and just talk for hours. I want to meet Rachel for an early breakfast before 9am at Quoi De Neuf (when it's half price and just as glorious!). I want to hang out with Jamie for longer than an hour in the evenings, also meaning I want my bedtime to stretch later than 9pm. I want to have tea with Lydia and Jess again. I want to take Loni's kids swimming at the local pool and teach them how to swim like I was doing pre-prego, but that requires a level of energy that just doesn't exist right now. Ahhh... I am falling more in love with my baby every day, but I do miss my friends.

I keep being told that the energy levels will increase in the 2nd trimester, and I really hope it's true. The nausea is subsiding a bit so maybe it's a sign that the fatigue will too. Compared to many of my friends, my pregnancy hasn't been that difficult, it just seems like it I guess because most of my friends are able-bodied 23 year-olds who act like 23-year-olds... staying up late, meeting friends, having fun. I guess I just want to be ME again, but maybe the new me is more tired and I just have to figure out how to make that work with my relationships.

Then I remember, if the worst I'm feeling it tired and a bit nauseous to experience the joy and miracle of having a baby and starting a family - it's so worth it. It is. I just have forgotten that a few times lately and I need to remember it :)

home is.

This weekend I traveled back to Oakville to surprise Missy for the weekend of her post-degree program graduation and to celebrate her new job. It was planned for weeks and the bonus would be that I'd also get to spend some quality time with Cath, who also stood up for me on my wedding day as a bridesmaid and is a dear dear friend. What a weekend. Filled with reunion bliss, hugs and kisses, story swapping, laughing like it was 2nd year again, sleepover after sleepover, husband-free girl time, and mutual encouragement. I can't express in better words how much I love my friends and loved being with them.

On Sunday after church, oh and how sweet it was to be at Harvest again (the church that I was "spiritually brought up" in over the last 5 years), Gill Symons said something important. "Isn't is great to be home again!?" I paused. Thought about it. After all the tears and turmoil of leaving Oakville, the home of my friends, my church, my whole network for the last 5 years, I never thought it would be so easy to say...

"This isn't my home anymore"

She understood immediately. Probably something a lot of women can relate to who leave their parents home and proverbial nest when they get married and start a new life and create a new home with the man they love. Even if you move down the street from them you still start something new. You still get it. She did.

As much as I miss Ontario, Harvest, Oakville, my parents, my girlfriends, the predominance of English, and all things familiar, Montreal is my home now. It feels so good to be here, in my apartment that is so distinctly Montreal. Old 1800's house renovated into flats, exposed brick walls, candles burning (which is an obsession I've picked up from Jamie since getting to know her living down the road from her and James), my office chair slightly rolling to the left because that's the way the floor tilts, and Chamomile tea (a gift from a McGill student) in my cup. Home.

The reunion was sweet but the future is here and my heart is in it. 100%.