sibling spacing

We've always been fans of the back-to-back babies around here. We purposely didn't re-start birth control after Lily was born with that in mind. Now, we did not think we'd get pregnant so quickly (she was just four months old!), but looking back we are so happy we did. At the time it was a bit wild. Lily was not even walking when Oli was born and our hands were indeed full. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

Which has made the road to baby #3 difficult. When we decided to start trying for #3, Oli was already 11 months old. Not a big deal to most people, but we like our kiddies CLOSE in age. Even if I got pregnant immediately, Oli would be 18 months older than his younger sibling, which in our minds was kind of our ideal max. Fast forward to several months of trying - the sibling age gap grows and grows. If I were pregnant right now, I'd still have all three children in three years (and some of you are thinking YOU CRAZY). That would be very very ideal.

What can I say? This is just how Brad and I have experienced and loved it, so obviously it's what we were aiming for for our third child. I know it's definitely not for everyone, but for me, the maximum age difference between each child would ideally be two years.

  • I like the challenge. Honestly, my life is fairly simple right now with Lily in part time daycare and Oli and her both on a great schedule. Time for another baby :) 
  • I like that the kids are in similar stages.
  • I like getting hard things over with quickly (pregnancies, sleep training, etc) 
  • I like that Lily and Oli can share toys.
  • I like that they both wear size 4 disposables and the same cloth diapers.
  • I like that they have the same bedtimes and naptimes (essentially) 
  • They don't have cousins yet (and won't have any nearby) so I like that they have family playmates the same age.
  • I believe they'll be closer relationally if they are born closer. Yes, I know there are exceptions (I am told often), and as adults age is really not important, but I think for young children 3-6 years is a HUGE age gap.
What about you? What's your ideal for sibling spacing? 

** Of course there are many things out of our control. 
We are in that boat, and wish I was already 6 months 
or more pregnant right now. 
Some women aren't fertile for up to a year postpartum, 
some women deal with infertility and miscarriages.
I don't want to be insensitive to these concerns, 
I'm just curious what your ideal is :)


  1. Great post em!

    The week greyson was born I told someone that i would be ready to start trying again after two years.However three months after he was born we stopped using birth control. :)

    Because we want a big family, we've come to the conclusion that we'll try to have as many kids as we can before I turn 35. (5 years)

    At times I feel anxious about going through the whole journey all over again...but then I get a gummy grin from greyson and my joy out weighs my apprehension and I get excited!

    Even with the sleepless nights,the teething fussiness, my weight gain from pregnancy, and the decrease of alone time for joseph and I.... I'm excited!

    Children really are a gift!

    -margie becker

    1. Agreed, Margie!
      You should never make a decision about when you'll try for the next baby in the first week, LOL. For us, we always waited until our babies were sleeping through the night to make the decision, or at least begin the conversation - knowing that sleep deprivation wasn't a good situation to decide in.

  2. We definitely want our babies close in age... I'm with you on the "get the hard stuff over with quickly" mindset. There were three years between each of my siblings and only recently did i begin to relate to my oldest sister who is 6 years older than me. Then again, if we accidentally got pregnant right now with Sam in med school we would have to wait three years for another until we had a stable income. (Not wise to have a bunch of kids while living on a loan...). Hopefully we will do four in four ;)

    1. True, factors like finances definitely play into it.

      Or you could have one, wait 3 years, have another, but then adopt a child between the 1st and 2nd biological kids to keep them all close in age :)

      Four in four!! Yowza. That is ambitious! I think I could handle 3 in 3, but not 4 in 4. Not the kids, so much as the pregnancies are too hard on my body. But God's plan differs for every person, doesn't it?

      I can't wait to see you and sam have kids! Lord willing, you will still be in Montreal for those years! And Lily can babysit haha!

  3. I think what you said about how you experience pregnancy definately factors in. We wanted ours close together. 4-5 kids all 18-24 months apart (although this one will be only 17 months behind Levi).
    However, after I had the blood clot they realized I have a blood disorder that requires me to give myself daily injections while pregnant. I am now a high risk pregnancy and have to go an hour away for appointments, and have an induced labour 2 weeks before our due date. So pregnancy isn't as easy as it seems. Also, because we didn't know about this pregnancy until we were almost 7 weeks I already had swelling/non-serious blood clot in my legs. So add compression stockings & leg pain to the list.

    It is definatley making me rethink how many babies (although I will have a hard time going less than 4) . I am definately rethinking how soon I want to go through this process again. But I want my babies close together too.

    uggghh. I go back and forth. Babies will probably outweigh the pain and we will still have them close together :) (sorry that was long adn rambling. Just talking it out I guess)

  4. We wanted max 2 years between 1 and 2...well it took us a lot longer to conceive #2. In the end, mine are almost exactly 4 years apart. It is funny, I thought I knew what I wanted but God knew best. My kids are the best of friends and my oldest daughter is an amazing helper and THE BEST BIG SISTER EVER. There are so many awesome positives to having my kids spaced quite a bit apart that I never even thought of till I was forced to. It is so hard to let go of what you believe is the ideal situation but in the end, I believe what is meant to be will be. And no matter what, it will be right. :)

    1. great point and great perspective Parrish! You never know what God has in store. My ideal is for them all to be close, but he knows best and if he wanted it otherwise it would still be good :) thanks for the reminder!

  5. Our son is just over a month old, and when I went to my three week post partum check up the nurse and doctor were ready to put me back on the pill and kept asking me if I was sure. Of course WE'RE sure we told them! My brother and I aren't even a year apart--we stay five days the same age--and Adam and his brothers are about 17months apart leaving a three year gap between the youngest and oldest. We have the fondest memories of growing up with our siblings right there with us so as far as our children, we've definitely decided we want them close in age as well with about 18-24 months being the maximum. Ultimately, we're praying it's in God's will that we get pregnant again before this year is over! :-D

    1. fun! hope you conceive again soon! I always wanted super close, but 13 months minimum so they wouldn't be born in the same year. not sure why that is important to me!?