It's definitely occurred to us that when we opt for "no racial preferences" and "no gender preferences" as we're adopting from the foster care system in Quebec, we're practically enlisting to adopt a black male.
That is 100% perfect and even exciting to me.
 |
| {Louie, Sandra Bullock's son was adopted from the foster care system in the USA} |
We have no problem whatsoever with adopting a child from another race, but we'd be naive to say that it won't be a challenge, and that our parenting experience with our black children will be exactly like that with our white children. It will be a challenge and it won't be the same as parenting Lily and Oli.
Oddly enough, folks would rather not talk about race at all these days, for fear of appearing racist, but in doing so they're ignoring a God-given quality to someone (God decided that there would be black people in this world, and it is good that there are!), and doing a huge disservice to these people. To our potential child(ren). And so, I've been thinking about it. And talking about it. Because it's real and good.
This post addresses some of the challenges a white mother faces raising her two black sons (alongside her two white daughters), and it was a great resource to me today. I also follow My Brown Baby, a blog she references in the post, and White Sugar Brown Sugar.
Would love any suggestions of resources or blogs about the issue if you know of any!
Here's a excerpt:
There is one aspect of parenting black children that is outside of something I can just learn though trial and error, though – and that’s how to teach my kids how to interact with the world as black men. The question of how white parents can teach black children “how to be black” is one that is often thrown out by opponents of transracial adoption. I don’t love this question because it implies that there is one monolithic experience of being black, or one right set of behaviors, attitudes, and experiences that somehow denote a person’s acceptance as a black person. I reject the idea that “being black” is something that my boys need to learn, because they ARE black. The idea that some would view them as having “lost their black card” by way of having white parents is frustrating to me.
There is a great blog that I read sometimes called Millions of Miles:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.millionsofmiles.com/
They adopted a black boy from the Congo, and are currently going through the foster care system to adopt another child. :) hope you enjoy, she's quite hilarious at times, and bravely honest other times.
We knew the same thing as we check that "open to all races" box . . . we were only ever called about African American children after that discussion, which was fine. It's a bit sad that so few adoptive parents are open.
ReplyDeleteEmily!!! I'm so excited for you!!!!! Eeek! My kids look nothing like me, they're mixed African American/French Canadian/American and I experience much of what transracial parents do. You're an angel. Please let me know how it goes. :) Are you going through Batshaw?
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right on. Because there is no "way" to be black. There just isn't. I'm trying to get more intentional about having my girls interact with kids that look like them...but sometimes I wonder if there is any point. I do make a point of getting princess Tiana so that my girls see images of beauty that mirror them, but my 5-year old laughed at me, "Tiana doesn't even look like me. She looks like YOU. I look like Dora!"
ReplyDeleteMaybe we place too much emphasis on race...perhaps our kids will have much to teach us about this. :)