27.11.12

little update on the whole trying thing.

In short: It's not working.

In long: We're still not pregnant, and I'm struggling with why and how and what.
With my first two children I was pregnant the first time we tried. Yes, I was 23 and 24 and that's crazy young and wildly fertile, but I'm still just 26. So age is obviously not a factor. Stress very well could be, and seems to be the main suggestion everyone has. We have a lot going on right now, and the added deep down desire to BE pregnant makes trying a bit stressful. And there's the mechanics - everything is probably working fine since we've conceived twice before (right?).

One friend has a suggestion that I hadn't thought of and kind of love/hate. Maybe we're trying on the wrong day(s)? Wouldn't that be funny and awful at the same time? How frustrating! But also, what a relief and easy solution. I don't take my basal body temperature or do anything like that. I was just keeping close track of my periods and from that figuring out the length of my cycle, and thus noting the likely days for ovulation. But I could be wrong. Not on the days of my period - I can count up to 30 uhthankyou. But on the days that I'm ovulating. And with everything we have going on right now let's just say we're not "trying" every single day of the month. Ahem.

So maybe we're trying on the wrong days and most likely we're stressing out far too much over it. Yes, we deeply desire a third baby. With every passing day I want one more. The logistics are making it harder for me to be patient - Oli is getting older and the gap between him and baby #3 are set to be almost 2 years if we get pregnant THIS month, and that was kind of the maximum I wanted between kids, not to mention life with my two is getting easier. Lily will be starting partial daycare a few days a week soon and I'll have the time to bond more with Oli and rest more if I were pregnant. How ideal, right? Yet, I'm not.

I think this month and here after we're going to "try more frequently" and try to relax. Knowing the days we assume I'm ovulating has made is worse and more stressful, I think. The days are full of anxiety and the days after are full of stress and hope and frustration knowing we can't do anything but wait until I get my period (or don't, fingers always crossed for don't).

And I'm so sick of reading into the symptoms! I know I wrote about it already, but I can't ignore them. Being more aware of my body means I'm hypersensitive to any change or feeling and I essentially always think I'm pregnant, making the discovery that I'm not more painful each month.

So, more attempts, less stress, no more charting days, just having fun. Worth a try :)

14 comments:

  1. I have a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility which is a great book on both preventing pregnancy and conceiving. Maybe you'd want to check it out? I also just don't have the discipline to take my temp. every morning, etc, but I'm going to start trying to get into the habit so that when we're ready to start trying I'll already have it down.

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    1. yes, I've heard of it! not sure I want to go that route as I found "taking charge" even in knowing my ovulation cycle and trying based on that brought more stress to us. Thanks though :) xo

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  2. Anonymous27.11.12

    Emily, just trust in God's timing!!
    :)Kristal

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    1. you're right! easier said than done, of course :)

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  3. Obviously this is frustrating, exhausting, tiring and saddenning. I know the feeling.

    But just a thought / positive spin...

    The same kind of feeling that you have right now about HAVING #3 was inside you with the same strength about ADOPTING #3. Biological-Morrice-Baby-3 wasn't in the plans, and now he/she is. Maybe this season of baby fever, and then desire, and then passion, and then desperation, is a step toward loving this up-and-coming baby even more than you ever thought you could. It's all causing you to love him/her even more, even more, even more. Already.

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    1. Not to say you shouldn't adopt!! Because if that's what God wills and you desire, of course you should later on!

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    2. Thanks for the spin, Sam! I totally appreciate your empathy during this time since it is very new and challenging for us. It's a road we've never been down and it's a harder one than conceiving when we want to, obviously.

      I see God doing this already! We have a deeper desire to be pregnant and have a 3rd than we did when we were trying for the first two kids. The wait is definitely increasing the longing, which can be a GREAT thing. Thanks for helping me see that!

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  4. Anonymous27.11.12

    2 years is really not a big gap.. Lots/ most people try for at least two years! :) - Amy in Ontario

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    1. Anonymous27.11.12

      also, there are a lot of couples out there (including close friends of mine).. who have tried for over a year and still struggle. for their first baby. I know you are frustrated, but try to trust, and be sensitive to what some people are going through... - Amy

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    2. yes, Amy, I know lots of people try for 2 years. I don't think I'm being insensitive to those who have struggled longer than us by sharing my personal experience and admitting my feelings during this time.

      Based on your logic, we shouldn't share our experiences for fear that there are others going through something harder/worse who may be offended... and well, I just don't share your logic! My heart goes out to those who struggle with infertility and I feel like I can relate in even a small slice of a way based on us still trying after 5 months when our first two were immediate. I know it must ache for them, because we ache, and as you said, they've been trying longer. If anything, my empathy for these couples is greater than ever.

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    3. Anonymous27.11.12

      Yes, that is very true. Thanks for your amazing honesty. I don't even know you personally but your blogs are on my fave list :) - Amy

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  5. Takes the average couple a year when they're TTC! I wouldn't stress out, Em, just let it happen, because it will in good time :)

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    1. yep, I'm aware! just a bit harder for us right now because our first two pregnancies were immediate :)

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  6. Anonymous28.11.12

    I did basal thermometer charting and used Pre-Seed the first time I got pregnant (took a few months, only 1 cycle of trying Pre-Seed though).
    Getting pregnant the 2nd time I just kept track of my symptoms through the month and my CM and was able to pinpoint when I ovulated that way (found out I had ovulation pain aka Mittelschmerz when I ovulated when I paid close attention to my body and tracked that pain the same day two months in a row). I was ovulating later in my cycle than the average woman. Took a few months to conceive that time too.
    All in God's perfect timing...

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