25% of the way through

I noticed something amazing today. I know pregnancies are measured in trimesters but for me, it's more helpful to look at the pregnancy in quarters. Most likely because the 1st and 4th quarter are absolutely the hardest. And usually the 1st and 3rd trimesters get such a bad reputation but neither of them are entirely horrid - it's the final 10 weeks of the 3rd trimester that really do you in, and for me, the first 10 weeks of the 1st trimester that are the hardest (probably because I don't get anti-nausea medicine right away and it takes a while to work effectively).

Well, today, I'm 10 weeks in. 25% finished with this pregnancy and 1/4 of the way through!

There is something really thrilling about typing that, and also really melancholy. I'm SO GLAD to say "good riddance" to the first ten weeks because I'm only now starting to feel human again as they pass. But I am very aware that this is more than likely my last pregnancy, and once this chapter is behind me, it's behind me forever. Of course, we thought Oli was our last pregnancy, but this one seems much more likely to be the final one.

And I'm so glad, because with Oli's pregnancy I spent a whole lot of time resenting the sickness and sacrifices I had to make and feeling sorry for myself (though often I had good reason!), and it would have been a pitiful way to close the pregnancy chapter of my life. Looking back, I'm not proud of how I acted or felt during most of that pregnancy, and vowed to make this third pregnancy a different story. By the grace of God, I believe it really has been.

Sure, there have been moments of weakness, times I've complained, and days I've felt completely overwhelmed and ungrateful. But far fewer than my last pregnancy, and I believe this one - primarily because I have more children to care for outside of the womb - has been significantly more difficult! Thank you Lord, for working in me. And not letting me waste this gift of pregnancy.

Today I'm finished the 1st quarter of this pregnancy. I have 30 weeks to go if baby comes on my due date. 70 days down, 210 to go. My prayer is that this baby would stay healthy and safe and that this pregnancy would glorify God in ways my first two sadly did not. I'm hoping to not waste these next 30 weeks with ingratitude and bitterness, no matter how difficult things get, and to enjoy this sweet gift that we spent half a year asking God to give us.

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