Special needs adoption video- tears are a certainty!

Have you every considered special needs adoption?

Many people are deterred by the long waits that adoption assures, but did you know that when you are willing to adopt a child with special needs that the wait dissolves by at least half? Even local adoptions that are known to be faster than international, are much faster and easier if you are willing to adopt a child with special needs.

But would you? Would I?

Did you know that "Special Needs" can mean anything short of perfect? That a child with poor eye sight, cleft palete, ADD or ADHD, a missing digit, or skin problems is considered "Special Needs"? Internationally, there are orphanages full of children who have minor and extreme special needs, all loved by God, all deserving of protection and a home.

This hits home for me because Lily was born with a heart murmer. Such a small health issue, which after two years has all but disappeared. In many countries, heart murmer is on the "Special Needs" list. AND SHE IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY.

Of course there are considerations and not every family is able to take on every special needs child. The size of your family, home, income, will play a role in what you can take on, but would you even consider it? Would I even consider it?

This video had B and I weaping tonight. What a family!
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New Film Premiere - I Like Adoption. from ILikeGiving.com on Vimeo.

hugh jackman on infertility + adoption

These videos were really neat to watch this week. Hugh Jackman is such a great actor and I'm so excited to see Les Mis, but wow, how great to see and hear people with influence talking about these things. His wife and he openly talking about miscarriages and infertility and also the joy that their adopted children brought.

Not Pregnant to-do List

It's now been 5 months of trying to have a baby. Which pales in comparison to how long some wait to become parents, I know. But it's also 4 months longer than we waited for our first two pregnancies, so it's been tough.

In all, I've been less frustrated and sad with each passing month. Maybe some experience the opposite feelings, but for me the first month was devastating because I was convinced I was pregnant. The second month was quite hard too because I was expecting this pregnancy attempt to be brief like my first two pregnancy attempts were. Not so. But as the months have passed I've accepted more and more that we can't control these things, but that God can (and he is Good no matter what), and to trust him.

I think too, because it's taking a while to get pregnant, I'm now assuming we won't be pregnant with each passing month. I'm getting used to not being pregnant, whereas at the beginning I was not familiar with the wait.

One thing that's helping is I'm trying to enjoy not being pregnant for as long as God sees fit to have me this way. What are some things I can't do when pregnant? I should do them now and enjoy them fully! What are some symptoms I suffer when pregnant? I need to appreciate the lack of them in these days that I'm waiting to be pregnant. Have a look at the list I've compiled to help me do just that:

Not Pregnant to-do List:

Enjoy the mornings with Lily and Oli. Soon I’ll trade in smiling toddlers for a toilet bowl full of morning sickness.

Take the kids out and about most days. Soon I’ll trade in adventurous days for couch lounging and guilt that my kid’s haven’t seen the sun in days.

Bake sweets and enjoy eating them. Normally I have an aversion to sweets in my first trimester.

Eat low-sodium while I can. On that note, I often eat my weight in salted French fries when I’m pregnant.

Eat, Drink, and be Merry. Soon food will taste weird or awful and yummy drinks will be on the black list (I’m talking to you, Christmas ales, rich red wines, and good ol’ G&Ts!) and fatigue will override festiveness.

Stay up late and wake up early and live to tell the tale. Extreme fatigue is part of pregnancy that is doubled when I take meds to handle morning sickness, so I’ll try to savour the energy I have now.

Use my friend’s hot tub often. Hot water on the baby bump is ill advised but oh so relaxing.

Go out for all-you-can-eat sushi and take it seriously. As in really push the limits of the word “can”. Soon raw fish will be a no-no.

Guilt-free coffee guzzling. I’ve had coffee aversions in my 1^st trimester for both pregnancies, but after that, I always wish I could down several cups a day to combat the fatigue. I can now, so I must ;)

Back exercises and yoga. Speaking of mussles, my lower back muscles are in terrible shape after the almost- Irish twins. I’ve been told that strengthening my lower back will lessen pregnancy pain there, so I’ve got to find some exercises and get going!

taking a step towards understanding my fertility more

I've decided that taking my temperature daily and closely monitoring physical signs just isn't for me. My friend Heather recently suggested that doing that may lead to more stress, and in fact her friend's doctor encouraged her to STOP charting her temperatures because it was causing more stress (and we all know stress makes conceiving less likely). I was already leaning towards that, and had never began the process. To me, it's too much to look into, every.single.day. So other than taking note of my monthly cycle, I wasn't doing anything.

This month Brad and I want to have more fun together and this baby madness is making things stressful, so we've opted to stop talking about pregnancy and conceiving. WHAT A GOOD IDEA. As much as I want to be pregnant, like, yesterday, and want to have my children close in age, it's not happening right now and that's out of my control.

One thing we've talked about doing though is taking ovulation tests so we know FOR CERTAIN when I am ovulating. In the past, every day I've had one symptom or another and assumed I'm ovulating. Or if we don't have a chance to "try" for a baby that day, I worry that I was ovulating that very day and we missed out and can't try again for another month. It's all too much. One of my friends who took a bit longer to conceive her second child went this route and had good things to say about it. She recommended this test kit, and I think it's worth the $30. It would simplify trying and take out the guess work that is making me crazy. It would take the pressure off and help me know my cycle better. Sounds like a plan! I'll buy it next month, when/if I begin my cycle again.

Have you ever used ovulation/fertility predictors?

little update on the whole trying thing.

In short: It's not working.

In long: We're still not pregnant, and I'm struggling with why and how and what.
With my first two children I was pregnant the first time we tried. Yes, I was 23 and 24 and that's crazy young and wildly fertile, but I'm still just 26. So age is obviously not a factor. Stress very well could be, and seems to be the main suggestion everyone has. We have a lot going on right now, and the added deep down desire to BE pregnant makes trying a bit stressful. And there's the mechanics - everything is probably working fine since we've conceived twice before (right?).

One friend has a suggestion that I hadn't thought of and kind of love/hate. Maybe we're trying on the wrong day(s)? Wouldn't that be funny and awful at the same time? How frustrating! But also, what a relief and easy solution. I don't take my basal body temperature or do anything like that. I was just keeping close track of my periods and from that figuring out the length of my cycle, and thus noting the likely days for ovulation. But I could be wrong. Not on the days of my period - I can count up to 30 uhthankyou. But on the days that I'm ovulating. And with everything we have going on right now let's just say we're not "trying" every single day of the month. Ahem.

So maybe we're trying on the wrong days and most likely we're stressing out far too much over it. Yes, we deeply desire a third baby. With every passing day I want one more. The logistics are making it harder for me to be patient - Oli is getting older and the gap between him and baby #3 are set to be almost 2 years if we get pregnant THIS month, and that was kind of the maximum I wanted between kids, not to mention life with my two is getting easier. Lily will be starting partial daycare a few days a week soon and I'll have the time to bond more with Oli and rest more if I were pregnant. How ideal, right? Yet, I'm not.

I think this month and here after we're going to "try more frequently" and try to relax. Knowing the days we assume I'm ovulating has made is worse and more stressful, I think. The days are full of anxiety and the days after are full of stress and hope and frustration knowing we can't do anything but wait until I get my period (or don't, fingers always crossed for don't).

And I'm so sick of reading into the symptoms! I know I wrote about it already, but I can't ignore them. Being more aware of my body means I'm hypersensitive to any change or feeling and I essentially always think I'm pregnant, making the discovery that I'm not more painful each month.

So, more attempts, less stress, no more charting days, just having fun. Worth a try :)