praying for an October baby

Ironically, I've always wanted the big events in my life to fall in October.

Not thinking at all about my kid's lives, because you can't plan such things, but most other things.

It's my birthday, it's Fall (my favourite season), it's often when we celebrate Thanksgiving, and Brad and I were married on October 18th.

Mostly out of my own extreme discomfort, I find myself praying for an October baby. Simply because that would have LG nearly a week (or more) early, and my body is ready to have him OUT. I didn't think I cared about having an October baby (the month has enough goodness anyhow!), but I thought about it today - what a pleasant perk that would be! Icing on the cake of my favourite month... to have a son born during those blessed weeks.

So not because I like October but because I don't like pain, I want this baby to come out in October, instead of his due date, 6 days into November... But an October baby would be sweet!

Though any baby will be sweet, even if he's a Mr. November :)

(don't mind the language... it's otherwise a great song and a great band!)

33 week thoughts & FAQ

6 weeks and a coupla days to go - or even sooner (and maybe later)!

Current life situation: living amidst boxes and adjusting to a new sleep schedule (Lily's, but as a result mine). Moving in 6 days.

Current JOYS of being pregnant: ha! I am forcing myself to write something in this category... not easy... let's see... ummmmm I'm excited to meet this boy. the ultrasound was a BIG joy. LG was yawning and blinking a lot so we saw his eyes and mouth well (Lily was asleep during her 32 week US). 

Current BENEFITS to being prego: hubby is doing a LOT of things that I'd usually be doing. He's rising to the occasion big time. also I'm super motivated to get things done since I know when LG is born it'll be much harder... so one benefit is getting my but in gear (Xmas stockings and various sewing projects are completed!)

Current SYMPTOMS: along with the 3rd trimester ones I already mentioned,  just lots and lots and lots of pain/pressure. limping around the house and not really leaving the house because we don't have a car and the doctor insisted that I stay off my feet to the max :(

Oh, and mommy-brain like woah. I can't remember where I put a SINGLE THING. It's horrible. That, and clumsiness. I heard pregnant women were more forgetful and clumsy but didn't experience it too too much with Lily. This time I'm getting injured a ton. Even had a trip to the emergency room from one knife incident, and a second knife incident left me with glue holding together another wound. ouch.

Most Excited About: newborn snuggles. i looked at some pictures of Lily when she was 2 months old today and my heart became mush. just a bag of bones, and always wanting to cuddle. LG may be our last infant child, so I intend to really soak those early months up - even in hectic times.

Most Afraid About: my water breaking in a weird place (like church or on the metro), going into labour and not being able to reach Brad or find a sitter/caretaker for Lily, going into labour anytime before 37 weeks...

FAQ: 

have you chosen his name yet? 

- yes. we had it from when we didn't know if Lily was a boy or a girl, so it was easy peasy.

have you written a birth plan yet?

- no but we aren't planning to. we'll just plan to trust the doctors and get through it as comfortably as possible (so yes I plan to get an epidural for those wondering!!)

are you having friends/family in the delivery room or at the hospital?

- NO. just like last time, we intend it to be a very intimate experience. just Brad and I. it was so perfect for us during Lily's birth and first 2 days that we wouldn't have it any other way. Now, to find someone to take L off our hands...

are you having any family stay with you after the birth?

- again, no. Brad's dad and Debbie live 40 minutes away so they'll probably be the first to see LG, once we're discharged from the hospital, and then after that my family is coming for a weekend in late November followed by Brad's family the 1st weekend in December. That's also when we'll do our "Christmas" with them all because we're staying in Montreal this year for the first time (!!!) as a family of 4. 

We really benefited from not having live-in family help when Lily was born (though I totally understand why some people want their moms or families there 24/7 during the first little bit!). we learned to trust our instincts and learn on the fly right away, which was good for us.

are you breastfeeding?

- yes, Lord-willing!

are you cloth diapering?

- yes! after a few weeks whenever LG's umbilical cord comes off.

are you vaccinating?

- YES.

are you scared/worried/afraid?

- most days. two will be a HUGE adjustment. but we can do it!

are you taking maternity leave?

- oh ya! Thanks to my employer and the province of Quebec, I am taking my 2nd maternity leave and will be on it until Summer 2012.

is Brad taking paternity leave?

- yes! in QC the father gets 5 weeks in addition to the mother's 12 months. he'll take 1 week right away and then the remaining 4 later on during the 12 month period. With Lily he saved his 5 weeks until the middle/end of my maternity leave, and it just so happened I was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy with LG... so it was bliss. I got to sleep in (and puke, undisturbed) and he did the morning feeds :)

***

dear LG

When you're old enough to get a job, your first pay cheque will go towards buying you and I Habs tickets.

Just so you know :)

Yes, my husband just told me of a friend who has season's tickets and had a pre-season game to spare. Of course Brad being the selfless man he is offered it to me first. Knowing the state of my body/pregnancy/pain level I knew I had to decline. I think the declining hurt more than the lower abdominal pressure!

#sacrifices

breastfeeding hope

I mentioned yesterday that soon I'll be attempting to breastfeed all over again.

Typing that makes me very nervous, because frankly, last time was a nightmare. It was a struggle with low supply, pride, hurtful comments from others, exhaustion, discomfort, and lots of guilt. 

Though generations from my family have had significant troubles breastfeeding (my grandmother could hardly bfeed her first two and couldn't her 3rd - my mom- at all) and I was told I would likely have trouble with supply as I've had breast-reduction surgery, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Why couldn't I provide for my baby? Why can't I do what mom's are "supposed to do"? Why am I failing at this? Why doesn't anyone understand that the milk just isn't there? You get the idea. 

Through it all, I grew tremendously, as a mom, and a Christian. Learning that God is in charge of all of these things. That he loves me and has given me the skills I need to be a good mom to Lily - namely a heart to LOVE her. Learning that breast-isn't-best but feeding your child is - whether that's from the breast or the bottle. Learning to trust my instincts (we should have actually added formula sooner as Lily was over a month and still UNDER birth weight). And learning to find my identity in Christ, as I'm hid with Him as his daughter, and not La Leche women who tell me "every woman can breastfeed, bar none".

But I still have hope that this time will be different. I have no reason to believe that LG may find more than enough milk in there, though Lily didn't. I have no reason to believe that the exact same problems will face me with my second child. I have been told and read that each child responds to breastfeeding differently, and also each pregnancy and birth prepares your body for the task differently. Women who have never had trouble breastfeeding, sometimes find with their 2nd or 3rd that their supply is not there or their child will not latch. And women like me, who had tremendous trouble have found their 2nd or 3rd babies feeding from the breast easily, and for many months, with no need for formula. I have hope that this will the case for us, but unlike last time, it won't rock my world if that's not how it plays out.

More reasons for hope are literal signs that it could be different. I've read and been told that while you're pregnant you may have small bits of colostrum leaking as the birth approaches. I never had this with Lily, while other friends of mine experienced a lot of this up to 3 months before the birth. Well, I have it with LG! Probably for the last 4 weeks or so I've noticed in the shower (sorry if this is TMI!) or when changing that there are small bits of dried colostrum. Could this be a sign that my body is producing more milk than last time? Maybe. 

I also plan to take the advice from my friend Karen (hi Karen!) to try taking capsules of Fenugreek or Blessed Thistle. There was a medication recommended to me Lily's by old doctor (who we stopped seeing for several reasons, namely we didn't like him or feel he had our child's best interests at heart) but the side effects included "the patient may take on symptoms similar to that of Parkinson's Disease for short or extended periods of time".
Um, no thanks.
Brad and I both felt strongly that it would not be the best road for us to go down.
But natural supplements such as Fenugreek or Blessed Thistle, we're fine with and I'm excited to see how they may help.

Anyway, the point is, I'm hopeful. I'm not counting on being able to breastfeed exclusively. With Lily we had to begin supplementing (though I pumped as well as breastfed for 5 months after she was born) at 4 weeks, and really we should have sooner. But this could be different. It may not be, but we plan on giving breastfeeding the full effort until/unless we see similar signs of low supply and dangerous weight for LG.

And this time, I'll be in a much better place regardless of the outcome :)

soon and very soon...

• i'll be in a new home
• i'll be lounging on THE UNICORN
• i'll be decorating for Fall
• i'll be getting ready for Christmas
• i'll be mummer to another little one
• i'll be drinking a margarita (or a glass of wine or a 1/2 pint of beer...)
• i'll be up all night and practically all day
• i'll be a Plateau-dwelling lady
• i'll be giving birth (can.not.wait.)
• i'll be recovering from giving birth (can.definitely.wait)
• i'll be attempting breast-feeding & giving it my best shot (again)
• i'll be living farther from my friends
• i'll be amidst far more French
• i'll be watching hockey
• i'll be wearing non-maternity clothes

lots (good & bad) to look forward to in joy and anticipation and just a smidgen of fear.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble

- Jesus (Matthew 6:34)