8.1.10

Useless

That's exactly how I feel.

I've been cancelling on friends and work all month. I've made pretty pathetic dinners if at all for brad and I (and cooking isn't a chore for me, it's something that I genuinely love doing and normally continue when I'm under the weather). And those are the nights I can stand to be around food at all.

2 days ago I was making breakfast for my staff team and the smells (delicious cinnamon bun smells) were too much so I puked in the kitchen sink. Last night I felt so nauseous and dizzy that I couldn't bare the crappy frozen
Pizza we were having and settled for crackers, in the meantime skipping the 1st weekly meeting at McGill of 2010. And as I write this I've just thrown up, cancelled an appointment with a student I love, and left my Concordia staff team to fill my gaps at a food fair Campus for Christ was invited to take part in. I feel completely useless.

I can deal with the sickness, constipation, many food aversions, and lack of sleep. It's the bailing on other people constantly and giving 70% when I gave 100% just 2 short months ago. It's feeling like I'm not pulling my weight and letting my friends, husband, and coworkers down. I've heard rumors of the second trimester being a breeze- I'll hit mine just after reading week. Can't wait to be ME again.
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4 comments:

  1. V8.1.10

    I think everything about pregnancy prepares you for the life as a Mom.
    It humbles you and makes you (or at least pushes you to) ask people for help. It forces you to stop and slow down because you need to care for your baby (in this case by getting rest and taking it day by day). It's okay. You're growing a baby in you! It's also a lesson in learning to forgive yourself.
    Oh and a lesson in learning to realize that people just won't understand why you have to cancel on them, why you can't always go out anymore, why you can't drink, etc.
    Pregnancy. It's kinda like support raising.
    Teaches you lessons you'll take with you once the baby is born/you're on campus. :)
    But I do hope you feel better soon and that your 2nd semester is one where you feel beautiful and energetic!

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  2. Suzanne8.1.10

    Hey Em!

    I agree with Vaness. I felt the same way.

    It will go away. The tiredness, puking, nausia, feeling like you dont' have the energy to have a conversation, bailing on people, not being able to make dinners etc. I feel so much better now. Take heart that it will end.

    But for now cling to the fact that this season is needed as Vaness said to make you slow down (and keep the baby healthy.) Plus, I learned incredibly valuable lessons about control in a new way. I like you, can tend to have a getter done mentality. This is humbling and causes you to release control to: spouse, friend but most importantly the Lord.

    Anyway friend, praying for you!

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  3. Suzanne8.1.10

    also, just for fun we should have a puking contest (to help your getter done mentality.. perhaps you will beat me!) aha. My puking days are over I think. I'm not sure though as I'm on diclectin(which you should really get your hands on) and I tried to go off it last week and puked 3 times that day.

    I think my tally for pukage times (approx from looking at a calender): 40 times

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  4. Emily Morrice8.1.10

    I'm wayyyyy less than you sooz, though after I puke the nausea is gone for a long while, so I prefer puking to nausea. Maybe too bc it shows accomplishment haha

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