A lot of people have asked me since we started trying for baby #3, and I've asked myself a lot too - will I attempt to breastfeed after two horrible goes at it (that
resulted in only partial breastfeeding as early at 12 weeks and week 1
respectively, and stopping completely at 4 months and 8 weeks
respectively).
This isn't a post asking for advice on what's better - formula or breastfeeding. We all know the facts around here. Or a post asking for encouragement to press on and breastfeed despite the horrors. I've dealt with all that and more the first two times I gave birth and struggled endlessly with breastfeeding, and I've made my peace with bottle feeding and formula feeding.
The question is will I attempt it, the question is not will I do it exclusively or for how long.
Honestly, I don't know. I'm nervous putting this out there because I have felt so much criticism and seen it towards other formula/bottle-feeding moms, most entirely by breastfeeding moms. It's scary to say aloud, let alone type that I might not. But that's where I'm at right now. I might not.
For the same reason I partially breastfed Oli for much shorter than with Lily - I don't just have one baby and one job to focus on. With Lily I could sit at the pump around the clock and pump every 2 hours (and I did). When Oli was born, I had to lock my toddler out of the bedroom to pump (and to get enough milk for a bottle I had to use a hospital grade pump for 45 minutes) before then feeding him, and repeat an hour later. Oli's first month of living I hardly saw my daughter. I had a budding relationship with my breast pump and that was about it. I probably could have continued that way for another month or more (because gosh darn it breast is best, isn't it?!), but I chose to be a mother to both of my children instead, and that meant formula feeding Oli full time. Best decision I ever made.
And now, I won't have one job or two jobs, but three jobs to focus on when baby #3 arrives. Yes, I'm referring to my children as work, haha! And I just can't imagine contributing that amount of time to a pump or an ideal and leaving my two other children in front of the TV for hours while I accomplish what it takes to be the "best mother". I just can't.
I haven't made a firm decision yet, but this is where I'm at right now. I may breastfeed for the first week, to get that colostrum out and into baby before switching over. I may breastfeed for as long as I can naturally, but never do the extra pumping that kept me so occupied and away from life to "keep up my supply" and see how we go that way. I may formula feed from day one and save myself all the heart ache and give my other children more of me when I am able.
There's a lot of options for me, so we'll see. But I know one thing for sure, this time I won't let it define me as a mother or a woman. This time I'll make the decision for our family exclusively. I thought after my first experience I would be able to, but still struggled with identity issues and mommy guilt a bit with Oli. Here's hoping the third time is the charm, however it goes.
This isn't a post asking for advice on what's better - formula or breastfeeding. We all know the facts around here. Or a post asking for encouragement to press on and breastfeed despite the horrors. I've dealt with all that and more the first two times I gave birth and struggled endlessly with breastfeeding, and I've made my peace with bottle feeding and formula feeding.
The question is will I attempt it, the question is not will I do it exclusively or for how long.
Honestly, I don't know. I'm nervous putting this out there because I have felt so much criticism and seen it towards other formula/bottle-feeding moms, most entirely by breastfeeding moms. It's scary to say aloud, let alone type that I might not. But that's where I'm at right now. I might not.
For the same reason I partially breastfed Oli for much shorter than with Lily - I don't just have one baby and one job to focus on. With Lily I could sit at the pump around the clock and pump every 2 hours (and I did). When Oli was born, I had to lock my toddler out of the bedroom to pump (and to get enough milk for a bottle I had to use a hospital grade pump for 45 minutes) before then feeding him, and repeat an hour later. Oli's first month of living I hardly saw my daughter. I had a budding relationship with my breast pump and that was about it. I probably could have continued that way for another month or more (because gosh darn it breast is best, isn't it?!), but I chose to be a mother to both of my children instead, and that meant formula feeding Oli full time. Best decision I ever made.
And now, I won't have one job or two jobs, but three jobs to focus on when baby #3 arrives. Yes, I'm referring to my children as work, haha! And I just can't imagine contributing that amount of time to a pump or an ideal and leaving my two other children in front of the TV for hours while I accomplish what it takes to be the "best mother". I just can't.
I haven't made a firm decision yet, but this is where I'm at right now. I may breastfeed for the first week, to get that colostrum out and into baby before switching over. I may breastfeed for as long as I can naturally, but never do the extra pumping that kept me so occupied and away from life to "keep up my supply" and see how we go that way. I may formula feed from day one and save myself all the heart ache and give my other children more of me when I am able.
There's a lot of options for me, so we'll see. But I know one thing for sure, this time I won't let it define me as a mother or a woman. This time I'll make the decision for our family exclusively. I thought after my first experience I would be able to, but still struggled with identity issues and mommy guilt a bit with Oli. Here's hoping the third time is the charm, however it goes.
