praying for an October baby

Ironically, I've always wanted the big events in my life to fall in October.

Not thinking at all about my kid's lives, because you can't plan such things, but most other things.

It's my birthday, it's Fall (my favourite season), it's often when we celebrate Thanksgiving, and Brad and I were married on October 18th.

Mostly out of my own extreme discomfort, I find myself praying for an October baby. Simply because that would have LG nearly a week (or more) early, and my body is ready to have him OUT. I didn't think I cared about having an October baby (the month has enough goodness anyhow!), but I thought about it today - what a pleasant perk that would be! Icing on the cake of my favourite month... to have a son born during those blessed weeks.

So not because I like October but because I don't like pain, I want this baby to come out in October, instead of his due date, 6 days into November... But an October baby would be sweet!

Though any baby will be sweet, even if he's a Mr. November :)

(don't mind the language... it's otherwise a great song and a great band!)

33 week thoughts & FAQ

6 weeks and a coupla days to go - or even sooner (and maybe later)!

Current life situation: living amidst boxes and adjusting to a new sleep schedule (Lily's, but as a result mine). Moving in 6 days.

Current JOYS of being pregnant: ha! I am forcing myself to write something in this category... not easy... let's see... ummmmm I'm excited to meet this boy. the ultrasound was a BIG joy. LG was yawning and blinking a lot so we saw his eyes and mouth well (Lily was asleep during her 32 week US). 

Current BENEFITS to being prego: hubby is doing a LOT of things that I'd usually be doing. He's rising to the occasion big time. also I'm super motivated to get things done since I know when LG is born it'll be much harder... so one benefit is getting my but in gear (Xmas stockings and various sewing projects are completed!)

Current SYMPTOMS: along with the 3rd trimester ones I already mentioned,  just lots and lots and lots of pain/pressure. limping around the house and not really leaving the house because we don't have a car and the doctor insisted that I stay off my feet to the max :(

Oh, and mommy-brain like woah. I can't remember where I put a SINGLE THING. It's horrible. That, and clumsiness. I heard pregnant women were more forgetful and clumsy but didn't experience it too too much with Lily. This time I'm getting injured a ton. Even had a trip to the emergency room from one knife incident, and a second knife incident left me with glue holding together another wound. ouch.

Most Excited About: newborn snuggles. i looked at some pictures of Lily when she was 2 months old today and my heart became mush. just a bag of bones, and always wanting to cuddle. LG may be our last infant child, so I intend to really soak those early months up - even in hectic times.

Most Afraid About: my water breaking in a weird place (like church or on the metro), going into labour and not being able to reach Brad or find a sitter/caretaker for Lily, going into labour anytime before 37 weeks...

FAQ: 

have you chosen his name yet? 

- yes. we had it from when we didn't know if Lily was a boy or a girl, so it was easy peasy.

have you written a birth plan yet?

- no but we aren't planning to. we'll just plan to trust the doctors and get through it as comfortably as possible (so yes I plan to get an epidural for those wondering!!)

are you having friends/family in the delivery room or at the hospital?

- NO. just like last time, we intend it to be a very intimate experience. just Brad and I. it was so perfect for us during Lily's birth and first 2 days that we wouldn't have it any other way. Now, to find someone to take L off our hands...

are you having any family stay with you after the birth?

- again, no. Brad's dad and Debbie live 40 minutes away so they'll probably be the first to see LG, once we're discharged from the hospital, and then after that my family is coming for a weekend in late November followed by Brad's family the 1st weekend in December. That's also when we'll do our "Christmas" with them all because we're staying in Montreal this year for the first time (!!!) as a family of 4. 

We really benefited from not having live-in family help when Lily was born (though I totally understand why some people want their moms or families there 24/7 during the first little bit!). we learned to trust our instincts and learn on the fly right away, which was good for us.

are you breastfeeding?

- yes, Lord-willing!

are you cloth diapering?

- yes! after a few weeks whenever LG's umbilical cord comes off.

are you vaccinating?

- YES.

are you scared/worried/afraid?

- most days. two will be a HUGE adjustment. but we can do it!

are you taking maternity leave?

- oh ya! Thanks to my employer and the province of Quebec, I am taking my 2nd maternity leave and will be on it until Summer 2012.

is Brad taking paternity leave?

- yes! in QC the father gets 5 weeks in addition to the mother's 12 months. he'll take 1 week right away and then the remaining 4 later on during the 12 month period. With Lily he saved his 5 weeks until the middle/end of my maternity leave, and it just so happened I was in my 1st trimester of pregnancy with LG... so it was bliss. I got to sleep in (and puke, undisturbed) and he did the morning feeds :)

***

dear LG

When you're old enough to get a job, your first pay cheque will go towards buying you and I Habs tickets.

Just so you know :)

Yes, my husband just told me of a friend who has season's tickets and had a pre-season game to spare. Of course Brad being the selfless man he is offered it to me first. Knowing the state of my body/pregnancy/pain level I knew I had to decline. I think the declining hurt more than the lower abdominal pressure!

#sacrifices

breastfeeding hope

I mentioned yesterday that soon I'll be attempting to breastfeed all over again.

Typing that makes me very nervous, because frankly, last time was a nightmare. It was a struggle with low supply, pride, hurtful comments from others, exhaustion, discomfort, and lots of guilt. 

Though generations from my family have had significant troubles breastfeeding (my grandmother could hardly bfeed her first two and couldn't her 3rd - my mom- at all) and I was told I would likely have trouble with supply as I've had breast-reduction surgery, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. Why couldn't I provide for my baby? Why can't I do what mom's are "supposed to do"? Why am I failing at this? Why doesn't anyone understand that the milk just isn't there? You get the idea. 

Through it all, I grew tremendously, as a mom, and a Christian. Learning that God is in charge of all of these things. That he loves me and has given me the skills I need to be a good mom to Lily - namely a heart to LOVE her. Learning that breast-isn't-best but feeding your child is - whether that's from the breast or the bottle. Learning to trust my instincts (we should have actually added formula sooner as Lily was over a month and still UNDER birth weight). And learning to find my identity in Christ, as I'm hid with Him as his daughter, and not La Leche women who tell me "every woman can breastfeed, bar none".

But I still have hope that this time will be different. I have no reason to believe that LG may find more than enough milk in there, though Lily didn't. I have no reason to believe that the exact same problems will face me with my second child. I have been told and read that each child responds to breastfeeding differently, and also each pregnancy and birth prepares your body for the task differently. Women who have never had trouble breastfeeding, sometimes find with their 2nd or 3rd that their supply is not there or their child will not latch. And women like me, who had tremendous trouble have found their 2nd or 3rd babies feeding from the breast easily, and for many months, with no need for formula. I have hope that this will the case for us, but unlike last time, it won't rock my world if that's not how it plays out.

More reasons for hope are literal signs that it could be different. I've read and been told that while you're pregnant you may have small bits of colostrum leaking as the birth approaches. I never had this with Lily, while other friends of mine experienced a lot of this up to 3 months before the birth. Well, I have it with LG! Probably for the last 4 weeks or so I've noticed in the shower (sorry if this is TMI!) or when changing that there are small bits of dried colostrum. Could this be a sign that my body is producing more milk than last time? Maybe. 

I also plan to take the advice from my friend Karen (hi Karen!) to try taking capsules of Fenugreek or Blessed Thistle. There was a medication recommended to me Lily's by old doctor (who we stopped seeing for several reasons, namely we didn't like him or feel he had our child's best interests at heart) but the side effects included "the patient may take on symptoms similar to that of Parkinson's Disease for short or extended periods of time".
Um, no thanks.
Brad and I both felt strongly that it would not be the best road for us to go down.
But natural supplements such as Fenugreek or Blessed Thistle, we're fine with and I'm excited to see how they may help.

Anyway, the point is, I'm hopeful. I'm not counting on being able to breastfeed exclusively. With Lily we had to begin supplementing (though I pumped as well as breastfed for 5 months after she was born) at 4 weeks, and really we should have sooner. But this could be different. It may not be, but we plan on giving breastfeeding the full effort until/unless we see similar signs of low supply and dangerous weight for LG.

And this time, I'll be in a much better place regardless of the outcome :)

soon and very soon...

• i'll be in a new home
• i'll be lounging on THE UNICORN
• i'll be decorating for Fall
• i'll be getting ready for Christmas
• i'll be mummer to another little one
• i'll be drinking a margarita (or a glass of wine or a 1/2 pint of beer...)
• i'll be up all night and practically all day
• i'll be a Plateau-dwelling lady
• i'll be giving birth (can.not.wait.)
• i'll be recovering from giving birth (can.definitely.wait)
• i'll be attempting breast-feeding & giving it my best shot (again)
• i'll be living farther from my friends
• i'll be amidst far more French
• i'll be watching hockey
• i'll be wearing non-maternity clothes

lots (good & bad) to look forward to in joy and anticipation and just a smidgen of fear.

Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 

for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 

Sufficient for the day is its own trouble

- Jesus (Matthew 6:34) 

reality check

Baby Audrey was over the other day, unfortunately not under the best of circumstances. 

James and Jamie, on top of enduring their first week of parenthood (oh, how I remember that week, and it was NOT all roses as I'd thought!), discovered bed bugs and were evicted while the fumigator took care of the pests. 

Apparently after spraying their apartment, it only takes about 4 hours for the space to become "safe" for a healthy adult, but with a 5 day old baby, well, you don't take chances! So they were off to spend the night at a friend's apartment, but needed a place to spend the early evening until it became available. Obviously I was THRILLED at the chance to have Jamie and Audrey over, but wished it was for a better reason!

While Jamie took some much needed alone time and did some pumping (I did a LOT of pumping with Lily to increase my supply and can imagine I'll do the same with LG... not looking forward!), I took Audrey off her hands. The thing was, it was dinner time and Lily was still awake.

So I cooked dinner, kept my eyes on Lil, and held precious Audrey. Can I just say, WOW. This is going to be an adjustment having TWO. I know people have many more than two children and get it done, and I plan to be one of those people, but it will be a big change from just needing to care for Lily, that's for sure! It was a big time reality check, especially at hectic times like making dinner.

Thankfully, when it's my newborn, my home will be ready for him. I didn't have a bouncy-seat or a safe place to lay Audrey during the craziness, and that would have helped. I also didn't have a safe place for Lily since we're moving, so I had to barricade her into the kitchen with me as I cooked, Audrey in arm. So instead of Lily playing in her baby-gated bedroom (which we REALLY need to buy!) and Audrey happily bouncing along as I cooked dinner, it was more like a scene from Family Circus.

I was thankful for the reminder, that in 7 weeks things will be even crazier than now. 

I'm thankful for bed rest, as it's giving me a reminder and excuse to RELAX while I still can.

Even if relaxing these days looks much differently than it did before kids!

32 week update

I went to my doctor's this morning for a check up. She confirmed, medically, what I was suspecting, emotionally and physically. 

LG is measuring big. She did a vaginal exam to confirm, and my uterus is very low, though still completely closed (thank goodness). So while there's no dilation, she's concerned that he may come as much as 2-3 weeks early, based on my body's response to him at 32 weeks. My core back and vaginal muscles are weak and probably didn't heal fully after Lily's birth, and he's low enough to be putting tremendous pressure on them - hence the pain and discomfort.

So practically, this means I need to be off my feet whenever possible. In the home it's not too hard. Lily can read a book on my lap, etc. But it means I need to cut back significantly on the walking. This past Sunday we asked a friend to drive me to church (a short, but all up hill walk) and that will have to be the new norm. And today I did a very hard thing: I called my best friend, who is getting married 7 hours away, 4 weeks from now, and told her I couldn't come. 

Some serious implications to LG measuring big and low and my body not holding him or responding well to him. I'm fine, though my weight is a tad low and my blood pressure a tad high. And she suspects I'll remain fine, so long as I take it easy. 

Looks like I should add some earlier dates to my LG's due date voting poll... Most seem to think he'll come November 2nd (4 days early) but I may have to scale back to October a bit more.  Please be praying for LG (he's completely healthy though, not to worry!) and me as I make some serious changes and deal with some significant discomfort.

8 more weeks?

I really really really want to go early. 

Not dangerously early, but earlier than 8 weeks from now.

Even 1 week early, as Lily was, would be a glorious light at the end of the tunnel. To be able to picture 7 more instead of 8 more (and so on and so on as the weeks pass)...

I was reflecting on how different this pregnancy is than mine was with Lily, and things I was doing last July when I was 8 weeks away from having Lily, and well, it's a different world entirely.

It was a heatwave and I was metro-ing and walking all over town picking up secondhand baby gear and clothing for Lily. I was painting her bedroom, refinishing furniture, and walking to church (which is not far but all up hill) right til the end. 

With LG, I have 2 months to wait (if he comes on time or late) and already I'm essentially on bed rest as of yesterday. Not doctor-enforced bed rest (I see her on Tuesday and have my 32 week ultrasound on Thursday so she won't do or say much til then), but I-know-my-body-bed-rest. The kind where the second I don't need to be with Lily, my feet are up or I'm lying down. That's how painful even standing and moving is right now. I just can't imagine 8 more weeks!

I did some serious re-evaluating today and though I'm desperate to paint my kitchen cabinets along with the rest of our house, I think the cabinets will wait. Many friends have offered to help us paint the house and we'll gladly be taking them up on that, but the cabinets we wanted to do ourselves and ensure we do a really careful job. Plus they'll take around 3 days to complete and with house painting going on, we'd rather not start that project too. Mainly too because anytime I've typed "we" I mean Brad, as I'm in no place for such things.

So, assuming LG comes in 8 weeks (technically he'd be 2 days early as of this evening, so that's still better than the full amount of time!), these are the things my prego self will have done: packed 1 home up and unpacked into another, moved into a newly painted home (only made possible by our friends!) and traveled to Ontario to be the maid of honour in a wedding.

Pray for me, I don't quite know how it's all going to work!

answered prayer...

Just wanted to thank those of you who prayed for my friend Jamie.

After 9 days of waiting post-due-date, she gave birth this morning to a baby girl!

Audrey Emma Lucas, Lily and LG can't wait to welcome you :)

vote!

 OVER THERE >>>

so speaking of really thinking I won't go the full 9 weeks that are left til LG's due date, I thought I'd post a little poll so see what YOU think.

i did the same with Lily and I believe only 1 person thought she'd come when she did (and I wasn't one of 'em!). maybe LG will have better luck :)

pssssssst - my vote is Halloween, just because that would be really fun!

imagining the themed birthday parties as I type...

9 weeks to go?

There's no way I still have that long!

This pregnancy seems to be hitting me much harder in the final months than Lily's did, and I really feel it now. 

The full-on waddle, the feet that have grown a fill shoe size (not looking forward to sandal weather ending in a few weeks!), the Braxton Hicks contractions and wild baby movements (he's too big now for kicks, it's more so body rolls now which are quite the sight!), the extreme fatigue and shortness of breath since LG is resting happily on my ribs which house my lungs).... you get the picture.

I feel PREGNANT.

Lily was 8 days early, even though everyone-and-their-brother told me "first baby's never come early", and I remember thinking similar thoughts with her... That towards the end my body was feeling as it is now and I couldn't fathom her coming on time or late. Well she wasn't - she was over a week early as my body was warning me the whole time. LG seems to already be doing the same, but he has a while to go still (I hope).

I'm not opposed to going early - I loved shaving 8 days off the waiting time for Lily. I was so ready to meet her and she was 7lbs 12 ounces, so she was fine to come out when she did, but I know LG would not be fine if he came too too early. Like 9 weeks early. Yeah, that would be bad.  Buddy's only about 3.5lbs right now.

Anytime after Missy's wedding (October 3rd I'll be back in Montreal) would be fine with me though! I have my 32-weeks ultrasound on September 15th and we'll see what they say then. My prediction is that they'll say LG is measuring a tad on the big side and that he may come early... because there's no way in 9 weeks I'll still be carrying around this man!

***

In related news, my dear sweet friend Jamie is STILL waiting on her babe to make it's arrival (she was due Aug 28th). I can't imagine waiting 8 days PAST my due date (where she was as of today) as lily was that much early. She's such a trooper though. Would you mind praying that her baby comes tonight? Or tomorrow? Or basically SOON? She is going to be a great mom and is more than ready to meet him/her!

Even Though my Oven's Working...

I'm SO excited to have this baby...

God's really blessed me with the gift of being able to bear children, and I don't take that lightly.

Thinking about how easy it was to conceive Lily and LG really do cause gratitude to pour out of my heart.

But when I see things like this, I can't shake the deep deep desire to add to our family through adoption.

A few weeks ago while I was getting a pedicure for my sister's wedding, I told the nail tech that I desired to adopt. Her and I were both pregnant (and yes hanging in a nail salon probably wasn't the best place for our babes, but we'll let that slide!), and she commented "but why adopt when your oven's working?"

Her question took me aback. Implying that those who want to adopt are more worthy of it if they can't conceive children. Or that there was no reason to adopt if you could bear children. Funny, I thought adopting was about the child, not about the parents, primarily.
I responded with a smile reminding her "well, there are a lot of children who need a good home out there, thousands more than are parents lining up to adopt them" to which she fully agreed.

I continue to be excited about LG's arrival and to see what he'll look like - will he be a mini-Brad or have more of my features as Lily does? But I also can't shake the feeling that God will one day be adding to our family in a completely different way. Even though my oven works.