prego stats - week 10

How far along: 10 weeks

Total weight gain: 0lbs (now I actually know because I was weighed at my doctor's appointment this week, but it's still technically a guess since I don't know my exact weight before pregnancy...)

How big is baby: a prune

Maternity Clothes: I wear yoga pants almost always, especially since I've been so sick, but still can fit into some of my normal pants. Other pairs are too tight now though, so I do wear my maternity jegging jeans.

Sleep: A good sign that the 1st trimester is ending and the 2nd is beginning! I'm still tired, but now have a healthy dose of Preg-Somnia. Which I got with my first two pregnancies too, starting in the 2nd trimester. Basically it's hard to sleep now! And hard to nap even (for me this is inconceivable!). Even with being sick the last week, I've stayed up until 11 or later almost every night and had a hard time napping. 

Best moment this week: hearing baby's heartbeat, which was no casual affair. Read about it here.

Movement: too early.

Food cravings: ...are back! I'm no longer hating every edible thing in sight which is so nice. But my energy levels are still low so I'm not as enthusiastic in the kitchen as usual. Lately I'm craving fresh things - fruit juices, grapefruit especially. And for the first time in ALL of my pregnancies I was craving pickles this week. So cliche. But all I want is the crunchy dills! (sadly this craving is still just that, 'cause we don't have any in the house). Also have been very vocal about my desire to be eating waffles at any time of day, so my dear hubs surprised me and ordered me a Cuisinart Waffle Maker! LOVE HIM. It arrives Saturday. 

Food aversions: Still red meats, though I've had veal meatballs without trouble. I still can't bring myself to cook a roast or want Brad to grill steak though. In all, I'm generally very vegetarian when I'm pregnant because of aversions to meat, chicken, etc.

Gender: Ok so get this. I realized today that this pregnancy I've had MUCH more nausea/vomiting than my pregnancy with Oli, but that it's right on par with my pregnancy with Lily. So of course, now I think we're having a girl :) But I'm in that awesome place where I truly don't care, so it doesn't matter!

Labor signs: too early.

Belly button in or out: hovering...

What I miss: energy to play and go out with the kids. The weather has been cold and bad generally, so I comfort myself with the fact that I may not be out and about even if I had the energy based on that, but it's still hard. Oh, and gin and tonics.

What I'm not loving: I've been terribly sick with a sinus cold this week, and a rough cough that gets so bad that it causes vomiting (probably because I already have dull nausea, so it's not hard to get the gag reflex, but still...)

What I’m looking forward to: finding out the sex, nausea to end (if it's like my first two pregnancies, I only have 2 more weeks to go!), starting to nest, and a few other things I'll share on my on the blog soon!

What I'm loving: Lily saying all the live long day "baby mommy's tummy". ADORBS.

Milestone(s): We heart the heartbeat! Baby is healthy and measuring accurately for a mid-September arrival. 

Blooming

Love seeing my bump grow! Check the change from week #9 to week #10. Grow, baby, grow!

25% of the way through

I noticed something amazing today. I know pregnancies are measured in trimesters but for me, it's more helpful to look at the pregnancy in quarters. Most likely because the 1st and 4th quarter are absolutely the hardest. And usually the 1st and 3rd trimesters get such a bad reputation but neither of them are entirely horrid - it's the final 10 weeks of the 3rd trimester that really do you in, and for me, the first 10 weeks of the 1st trimester that are the hardest (probably because I don't get anti-nausea medicine right away and it takes a while to work effectively).

Well, today, I'm 10 weeks in. 25% finished with this pregnancy and 1/4 of the way through!

There is something really thrilling about typing that, and also really melancholy. I'm SO GLAD to say "good riddance" to the first ten weeks because I'm only now starting to feel human again as they pass. But I am very aware that this is more than likely my last pregnancy, and once this chapter is behind me, it's behind me forever. Of course, we thought Oli was our last pregnancy, but this one seems much more likely to be the final one.

And I'm so glad, because with Oli's pregnancy I spent a whole lot of time resenting the sickness and sacrifices I had to make and feeling sorry for myself (though often I had good reason!), and it would have been a pitiful way to close the pregnancy chapter of my life. Looking back, I'm not proud of how I acted or felt during most of that pregnancy, and vowed to make this third pregnancy a different story. By the grace of God, I believe it really has been.

Sure, there have been moments of weakness, times I've complained, and days I've felt completely overwhelmed and ungrateful. But far fewer than my last pregnancy, and I believe this one - primarily because I have more children to care for outside of the womb - has been significantly more difficult! Thank you Lord, for working in me. And not letting me waste this gift of pregnancy.

Today I'm finished the 1st quarter of this pregnancy. I have 30 weeks to go if baby comes on my due date. 70 days down, 210 to go. My prayer is that this baby would stay healthy and safe and that this pregnancy would glorify God in ways my first two sadly did not. I'm hoping to not waste these next 30 weeks with ingratitude and bitterness, no matter how difficult things get, and to enjoy this sweet gift that we spent half a year asking God to give us.

prego stats - week 9

How far along: 9 weeks

Total weight gain: 0 lbs? I finally started eating regularly this week again and haven't vomited in days (eureka!) so I'm probably still not over or under.

How big is baby: size of a grape

Maternity Clothes: yep. I haven't worn my regular jeans in a while, but am wearing my one pair of Old Navy Maternity skinny jegging jeans over and over again. And yoga pants, obvi.

Sleep: napping almost every day @ 9:30am for 2 hours (when my kiddies nap, bless their hearts) and sleeping at least 8 hours and sometimes 12. Never feels like enough though!

Best moment this week: Diclectin kicked in and started WORKING!! My nausea is at bay 90% of the time. Thank the good LORD. 

Movement: too early.

Food cravings: Now that I'm not nauseous 24/7, I can actually eat again which is a blessing. I've been cooking more usual dinners lately, but also am still slacking a ton and serving my dear husband cereal or pasta for dinner. It's just a season :)

Food aversions: Still averse to meats as a whole, but am eating bits more than I was before (when I was eating none). 

Gender: too soon, though we've been day dreaming about having a boy!

Labor signs: ask me in 30 weeks!

Belly button in or out: In still - I'm shocked. At this point with my pregnancy with Oli I was already poking out, but then again I had given birth only 6 months or so earlier! This time my body had more time to heal so maybe that's why I still have an "inny". I'm sure by 30+ weeks I'll have a huge "outie" like before though!

What I miss: Energy. It's been mild for February in Montreal and normally I'd take the chance to hit the park with my kids, but I'm just too zonked. I think we're all getting sick of the same toys and books and scenery so hopefully I am up to a trip out soon.

What I'm not loving: Lack of energy and the fact that to get outdoors I have to walk (with two toddlers) down a long, twisted, flight of stairs. Living on the 2nd level is tough in times like these (and not having an elevator).

What I’m looking forward to: Knowing the gender! We are SO stumped for a name and have two for each gender that we constantly flip flop between, so narrowing it down to 2 instead of 4 names will be a relief! Plus we just can't wait to know more about the little grape.

What I'm loving: not being nauseous is delightful, and recently I got over a terrible sinus cold that was very painful. Though I'm tired and unmotivated a bit these days, I'm doing SO much better than last week and am so thankful!

Milestone(s):Diclectin started to work? And definitely showing. For all you nay sayers, just trust me ok? Or look at my Instagram pics ;)

I haven't forgotten about adoption

Even though our timeline to one day, hopefully adopt is now measured in years not months, and even though we're having a third baby before that happens, adoption is still a very real part of our hearts around here. Morgan just posted this trailer for the documentary Stuck that looks at international adoption and how long it takes and the faulty system. Brad and I watched it and were in tears seconds in. Absolutely worth watching. Also, please sign the petition at the top of the link!

I pray one day adoption is a very real part of our family - not just a passion, not just a cause we support.

a daunting question: will I breastfeed baby #3

A lot of people have asked me since we started trying for baby #3, and I've asked myself a lot too - will I attempt to breastfeed after two horrible goes at it (that resulted in only partial breastfeeding as early at 12 weeks and week 1 respectively, and stopping completely at 4 months and 8 weeks respectively).

This isn't a post asking for advice on what's better - formula or breastfeeding. We all know the facts around here. Or a post asking for encouragement to press on and breastfeed despite the horrors. I've dealt with all that and more the first two times I gave birth and struggled endlessly with breastfeeding, and I've made my peace with bottle feeding and formula feeding.

The question is will I attempt it, the question is not will I do it exclusively or for how long.


Honestly, I don't know. I'm nervous putting this out there because I have felt so much criticism and seen it towards other formula/bottle-feeding moms, most entirely by breastfeeding moms. It's scary to say aloud, let alone type that I might not. But that's where I'm at right now. I might not.

For the same reason I partially breastfed Oli for much shorter than with Lily - I don't just have one baby and one job to focus on. With Lily I could sit at the pump around the clock and pump every 2 hours (and I did). When Oli was born, I had to lock my toddler out of the bedroom to pump (and to get enough milk for a bottle I had to use a hospital grade pump for 45 minutes) before then feeding him, and repeat an hour later. Oli's first month of living I hardly saw my daughter. I had a budding relationship with my breast pump and that was about it. I probably could have continued that way for another month or more (because gosh darn it breast is best, isn't it?!), but I chose to be a mother to both of my children instead, and that meant formula feeding Oli full time. Best decision I ever made.

And now, I won't have one job or two jobs, but three jobs to focus on when baby #3 arrives. Yes, I'm referring to my children as work, haha! And I just can't imagine contributing that amount of time to a pump or an ideal and leaving my two other children in front of the TV for hours while I accomplish what it takes to be the "best mother". I just can't.

I haven't made a firm decision yet, but this is where I'm at right now. I may breastfeed for the first week, to get that colostrum out and into baby before switching over. I may breastfeed for as long as I can naturally, but never do the extra pumping that kept me so occupied and away from life to "keep up my supply" and see how we go that way. I may formula feed from day one and save myself all the heart ache and give my other children more of me when I am able.

There's a lot of options for me, so we'll see. But I know one thing for sure, this time I won't let it define me as a mother or a woman. This time I'll make the decision for our family exclusively. I thought after my first experience I would be able to, but still struggled with identity issues and mommy guilt a bit with Oli. Here's hoping the third time is the charm, however it goes.

picking a name for baby #3

Choosing a name for Oli was really easy - especially when we found out he was a boy. We just picked the boy name we didn't use when we found out Lily was a girl! So we didn't have to really think about it, though with baby #3 we have had a really hard time.

See, I always have had two lists of names. A boys list and a girls list. And in recent years, Lily and Olivier were both on those lists, though they took turns at the #1 spot (Lily was almost Ava and Oli was almost Max!). Now that we have one of each, the third baby's name isn't as easy to decide upon since our top two names are used up.

Here's things we consider when choosing a name for our kids:

1. Far and above the most important characteristic of a name is that it's bilingual.
   I used to be really drawn to Scottish boy names like Ian, Cameron, or Aiden but none of those work well in Quebecois French. Sure, you can add a French accent to any name, but we're here for the long haul and want our kids to fit in with their classmates in all-French school. Just ask my husband, Brad, how hard it's been with such an English name!
2. Next, is obvious - do we agree on a name?
   Brad and I have THE HARDEST time agreeing on names. I love old fashioned girls names, dubbed "Old Lady Names" by him. He's not on the same page as me :(
3. Personally, I like shorter names.
   I tend to be a fan of names with 2 syllables or less. Not a hard and fast rule, but in most of the names I like, that's the case: Lily, Oli, Max, Ava are all good examples.
4. Middle names are reserved to honour family.
   We thought Oli was our last biological child, and thus the last child we would get to name, so we gave him both of Brad's brother's names. Brad already carries his father's name as a middle name, so we figured that was fair. If we have a second boy he will likely have my dad's name as his middle name. Lily's middle name is Catherine after my mom and if we have a second girl her middle name will definitely be Rose, after Brad's mom. 
5. We also choose names that we like together for siblings.
   I'm not sure why this matters, since you rarely say all of your kids name's at once, but Once we chose the name Lily for our daughter, we had to find a name for our son that meshed well with it. For instance, Since our first two are named Lily and Oli, it would be unlikely that we'd choose a longer name (Isabelle or Charlotte for example are two names I love but wouldn't
   fit" with Lily and Oli) or a name that sounded differently. Hard to exactly describe what I mean here, but I think you get it. 
6. Though people often assume since Brad is a pastor and we are followers of Jesus that we would choose Bible names, we have never been big on them.
   Maybe because every person in the Bible is so flawed (except Jesus!) so it wouldn't seem right naming our child after them, or just because most of the names are so darn hard to pronounce. Plus most of our families aren't Christians so the names would seem odd to them. (We seriously considered Levi long ago when I was pregnant with Lily and that was the vibe we got).

So what names are we considering for baby #3?? Wouldn't you like to know!! I'm not going to share the top two names we've narrowed it down to for each gender, but I'll let you know of some we very seriously thought about but took off the list recently.

GIRLS:
Sophie (we LOVED but then met good friends with a daughter with this name and now it seems like their name)
Mai (May in French; was always more a name I liked and was convincing Brad)
Sola (a little too exotic)
Annick (a Quebecois name that we both love but doesn't fit in with "Lily" and "Oli")
Esme (that was short-lived),
Lucie (I loved but Brad thought it was "too old fashioned")

BOYS:
Max (I still do love this name, but Brad and I are both more excited about the other two)
Felix (I love this name and it's common in French but it never tipped the scales. Can you tell I like names with Xs?)
Cyril (this is a French name but didn't sound right with "Lily" and "Oli"

So four names remain. 2 boys names and 2 girls names. We probably won't decide for a long time, but when we do, I'll let you know the name that didn't make the cut. But the real name will have to wait until baby's birthday!

How do you choose names?

dreaming of all BOYS.

my heart is a funny thing. or place. or whatever.

I have always been the girl who wanted girls. You've read all about it by now :) After Lily I felt a huge relief knowing at least I had one girl. If the rest were ALL boys, that would be OK. But then when I found out Oli was a boy, it was hard for the first few moments because I did want that ALL girls family that I grew up in and loved.

But God had different plans, and I'm so glad. I adore being a mom of a little boy. Adore it hard. And recently I've been thinking about how wonderful it would be if baby #3 PLUS any future kiddos we might adopt some day were ALL BOYS. I love the idea of wrestling around with them. I love the idea of teaching them to be men who respect women. I love the idea that the boys I raise will one day lead families. There's something special about boys.

Don't get me wrong, I love being the mom of a daughter. I'm not writing this to say I'd prefer boys or that one is better than the other. I'm just writing this because for so so so long, my heart has been so stuck on mothering GIRLS. And now it's changing and I love that it is. I just love being a mama, which isn't easy to say after a day like we had over here, but it's still true.

We'll find out April 30th, either way :)

prego stats - week 8

How far along: 8 weeks

Total weight gain: 0lbs? I have a tiny bump but am not eating much and won't know for sure until my doctor's appointment in 3 weeks.

How big is baby: kidney bean!

Maternity Clothes: Right now I'm living in lulu lemons but my regular jeans do still fit - just a little snug.

Sleep: I've started a glorious habit of having a bath right after the kids go down at 6pm and then around 7pm turning in myself. FOR THE NIGHT. I know, It's a crazy amount of sleep, but I need it. My evenings are basically shot because of this so it's not the greatest, but 12 straight hours is so wonderful.

Best moment this week: probably today - my parents are coming for the weekend! Or when Brad ordered me gummi-prenatal vitamins. I can't wait to start taking them since my regular ones are so big I have a hard time not vomiting when I take them :S

Movement: too early.

Food cravings: I made bacon-chocolate this week which was amazing. And am craving sour candy sometimes. But still mostly eating bland foods and carbs. Groan.

Food aversions: Most things. Especially meat. I haven't had chicken in a long time. I'm making sure I eat protein by adding more eggs and nuts to my diet.

Gender: too early.

Labor signs: ha! ask me again in 30 weeks...

Belly button in or out: In for now but I'm sure it'll go out soon (as it does with all my pregnancies)

What I miss: having energy to play with my kids.

What I'm not loving: nausea is still at a peak and the Diclectin isn't working.

What I’m looking forward to: hearing the heart beat in 3 weeks and finding out the gender in 3 months!

What I'm loving: Being pregnant. Even with all the yuck. I'm so thankful :)

Milestone(s):I'm definitely showing, if that counts?