a little sister

We found out today that Lily and Oli will have a baby sister come September and we are SO THANKFUL. She's measuring right on target and 100% healthy so far. Jesus, you give good gifts and lavish us with your grace. And a GIRL! Oh... my heart was hoping :)

illustration by Slovly, and such a ringer for Lily + her baby sister :)

supposed to...

I've faced the facts that though this pregnancy was far more complicated than Lily's and though I'm feeling far worse, this baby could be happier in mama than out of mama, and I may even go LATE with this one.

First babies are supposed to be the on-time-or-late ones, so everybody said (which drove me crazy, people are so free with their opinions that may or may not be discouraging, eh moms?) 

Lily came at the end of my 38th week. Aka right around now for this pregnancy. And then first labours are also supposed to be long. Minimum 12 hours I was told by more than one person (none of whom were doctors or midwives). Lily came 7 hours after my water broke. Without pitocin and with an epidural (which can slow labour, hence why many ladies who opt for an epidural also get pitocin to speed things up). 

Then there's the additional babes one may pop out - shorter pregnancies and shorter labours, so they say.

And I'm believing none of it.

LG may be late or on time, or delivered in my 39th week. All things Lily wasn't supposed to be, but was, and all things he's highly likely to be but may not. Babies can break the mold people! And I think I have two kids who don't like to beat to the drum of supposed to. 

I'm also preparing myself for a longer labour. If LG does come on time or late, he'll probably be bigger than his sis and that could slow down labour too. I'm also slightly worried he could be a 10 pounder or more (at my 32 week ultrasound he was suggested to be over 5 lbs) an labour could be harder (Lily flew out!) or even not possible (don't have the biggest hips) and a c-section may be our lot. As I've said before, I'm ok with that and we don't have strong feelings against c-section, I'm just preparing for this labour and delivery to not be the exact same that Lily's was. Every baby and birth is unique.

So today I have 10 days left, supposedly. Maybe I have more, hopefully I have less.

Maybe today's the day. The day of my 38 week appointment with Lily, I went in, had an internal exam and my membranes scraped (sorry for the harsh picture, I swear that's the medical term!), and went to the hospital hours later with a leaking water. 7 hours later we had Lily. 

And today I have that very appointment. 

Ah. If only they played by the rules and were predictable :)

36 week ponderings

1. One more week and I'm in the clear
2. I'm really getting tired of bed rest
3. I really wish we had a car so I could leave the house...
4. I can't believe I'm going to have a baby that isn't Lily
5. I'm nervous about my water breaking
6. I'm nervous about not being able to get an epidural or not making it to the hospital (now that I have felt labour pains, there's no way you could PAY ME to attempt natural birth!)
7. The nursery is so not ready (Lily's big girl bed doesn't come til Nov and it's notpainted with the gray stripe as we plan to have it, nor is anything hung on the walls. Good thing he'll be in our room, which IS ready for the first several weeks)

Lily's Getting A...

brother!

we couldn't be more excited!!!

a little boy is comin' our way!!!

That baby grew...

I remember being about 4 months pregnant with Lily, into my 2nd trimester and enjoying more energy and experiencing a day out of the blue of PURE fatigue. Like I could hardly stay awake ALL day. When I posted on facebook about it, my friend Sue said "that baby grew!". It was mostly a joke, but made sense in my mind... My non-medical-school-taught mind :-)

Well tdoday was that day again. After 2 nights in a row of 6 hours of sleep max and no naps, I slept like a baby last night and took 2 naps today... And it sill wasnt enough! It's 8:30pm and I'm exhausted. Thankfully, I'm still on mat leave and will be until August, and Lily takes two 2-hour naps each day...so guess what I do? Yep. Zzzzzzzz

With all the fatigue pregnancy brings, I'm actually not sure how I would do it, for the 2nd time this year, if Lily were older. I mean shes still a BABY which has its tials, but babies NAP people!! So even though I'm up at 7am with her, I can nap at 10am and 2pm, which is basically around when my mind and body decide to shut down from total fatigue. I seriously think this is EASIER (dare I go there...?) than my 1st pregnancy, even with a babe at home... Working full time pregnant was SO HARD. I'll likely never do that again, but looking back, it was really something. Having a baby at home makes SOME things way harder, but the whole sleep thing is really working for me this pregnancy.

Something to think about in regards to child-spacing ;-)

can't wait

Tomorrow, as my husband reminded me today (where would I be without him!? missing appointments to say the least...) is my first doctor's appointment with Dr. Hall for baby No. 2. Which means we get to hear his/her heartbeat! What a sweet sweet sound. I have to admit I'm always a bit nervous that we won't hear it or find it. Until tomorrow we've just assumed everything is perfectly fine, but we won't know anything until we hear that heartbeat. Now, with this baby I'm far less concerned. Partly because I've had one healthy baby and all my worrying for Lily was for naught, and partly because Lily is such a great distraction that my mind just can't always go 'there'. It's too busy being present, with her. But it's always a bit scary...

Things that lead me to also worry less (and should have the last time I was pregnant but probably nothing could ease the worries of my first-time-mom-psycho-self) are my growing belly, the slight movements I've been feeling (though 13 weeks is early for that and I didn't feel Lily until around 16-17 weeks), and my continuous nausea and fatigue. It's funny how horrible all of that seems to be, but how wonderful at the same time, because it is all, indeed a sign of LIFE. 

Anyway... tomorrow is the day! Please pray with us and a healthy heartbeat and everything else :)

12 weeks today!

first trimester, peace out!

I won't miss you. You are by far the worst part of being pregnant. Scratch that... stretch marks are... but you are dang close! Even with Diclectin this time around it was hard... Nausea was kept at bay once I started taking it (and will SO be taking it from day one with the next pregnancy for sure) but the fatigue was so limiting. Actually, Diclectin heightened fatigue probably 2 fold as it's the most common side effect of the drug. Which was pretty hard before Brad's Paternity leave (only in Quebec does the baby daddy get 5 weeks ON TOP of my one year of Maternity leave!), but is now not a problem since my sainted husband is doing nearly all of Lily's morning feeds and letting me sleep. I'm a lucky woman :)

But, that said, his pat leave is winding down at the perfect time... my energy has been slightly back to normal and in about a week I'll stop taking Diclectin which will hopefully result in even less fatigue, and not result in nausea...

Thought so far:

1. when you have a baby at home, the 1st trimester's worries (of potential miscarriages, specifically) seem less powerful. I'm thankful to have had Lily as a constant distraction during this season as last time around I had a lot of trouble keeping faith that God holds all things together in his perfection.... that He is in control...that he would provide the grace we need if a miscarriage was our lot... and all of that. I like to think I've grown spiritually since I was pregnant with Lily, but I do believe her as a distraction was also part of my not-so-stressed state this time.
2. I can not WAIT for this summer and the second trimester. I know I'll have more energy. I will be at the best part of my pregnancy in the best part of the year - Spring and Summer!! Once the 3rd trimester rolls around and my body is hotter than an oven (and we all KNOW I'm not taking about appearance because lets face it - it's the opposite hehe!) it will be Fall and the temp will be oh-so-perfect... oh God's timing with this pregnancy was beautiful!
3. Lily is increasingly autonomous now that she's sitting by herself, which is nice that I don't have to be with her every second of her awake time. Especially key for those gross-feeling days. On the other hand, she's getting HEAVY (almost 19lbs!) and carrying her little body around is taxing me like no other. Hope she either walks soon or energy comes back to me...
4. i LOVE being a mom. and i CAN.NOT.WAIT for another babe.

all I wanna do...

moms of babies don't get sick days. 

moms of babies don't get snooze buttons.

moms of babies don't sleep in.

moms of babies that are having other babies are very sleepy.

I'm going through a season. A season has an end (it's not a lifetime), but it is usually a good chunk of time. My season is having babies. Babies are work and definitely make their mamas tired. But pregnancy... that's a whole other thing. When I was pregnant with Lily I slept a LOT. I would race home from work and be in bed by 8pm. Sleep 12 hours. Then on weekends it was more like 14. That was beautiful. I didn't see it at the time, but it was a luxury that will get less and less likely with every passing baby. But you know, I'm doing better on this amount of sleep than I would have been last time I was pregnant. Guess my body is learning how to do with less when it needs it the most. 

Ladies in your first pregnancy.... SLEEP to your heart's content!

Moms of more than 1 baby and 1 in the womb... you probably never sleep and think I'm getting tons. 

You're my heroes.

crazy.

2 kids babies in 15 months is pretty crazy.

That is just starting to set in...

Lily will be a scant 15 months older than MM2.

Still in so many ways a baby herself. 

But an older sister nonetheless.

So excited.

So in love already.

So crazy...

memories and planning

I was just reading over a couple of posts from before Lily was born. I was waiting eagerly and not-so-patiently to meet my baby girl, totally unaware of what was before me as a mom. I was set on having a natural, epidural-free childbirth (Ha!) I was afriad and excited.

The things that stressed me out were not knowing what the heck I was doing and baby-fying our office before she came so she wouldn't be "homeless". What an incredible difference a few months makes!

Today, her room is the last thing on my mind, even though there are elements of it I'm still pulling together. The big picture becomes real when the baby is actually born and you start stressing about things that matter: breastfeeding, the health of the baby, sleep {mine and hers!}, vaccines, family planning, etc. Oh when life was simpler! But it's so much richer now, and I love our chaotic life, even if, at times of weakness, I may or may not deny it. Ahem.

Anyway, as I read a couple of posts from last summer, memories came flooding back. The truth is, you learn a lot by DOING and of course reading and not being afraid to ask for help. I wish I knew that when I was worrying about not knowing enough.

Not to mention, when I gave birth to Lily I knew the one thing I needed to know: I loved her. And with that fact, I was motivated to learn everything else. I wish I could tell my non-mom self this.

Would it have made a difference?

It's hard to think about being pregnant again, because it was such a long, life-altering experience the first time. Kind of seems like the type of experience you only live through once. Hence the once-in-a-life-time feel of holding your baby for the first time in all their goopy glory. But Lord-willing it will be a several-in-a-life-time experience, which brings me to this post.

We are thinking of trying for baby MM #2 this summer, but a lot of planning must take place. Why? Notably, I'm in two weddings. The weddings of the two most important women in my life {not including Lily and my mom}!

Lisa's wedding is August 20th, sound familiar? Yes and the bday girl will be their flower girl :)

And Missy's wedding is October 2nd. Two dates that are HUGELY important to me and ones I don't want to miss because I'm a) in labour b) too close to my due date or c) with a brand-new baby who needs me 24/7.

So planning is key. It always is, I suppose. But it REALLY is in this case. Missing either of those weddings would be heartbreak, even though the arrival of a baby would be a huge blessing. So we're thinking the most pregnant I'd like to be at Missy's wedding is a maximum of 7 months. Meaning April is the EARLIEST we'd like to get pregnant, but ideally, sometime this summer.

I really am so curious about what pregnancy is like the second time around. Will I have as many posts filled with self-doubt and stress? Hopefully not. Will I have the same symptoms as with Lily? Again, hopefully not! But there will be so many more things to think about: how will we prepare Lily for a sibling? Where will we live (we're thinking of buying this Spring)?, How will we handle two kids? What if MM #2 is a boy (Obviously having another girl would be easier since we already have everything, but it would be so exciting to have a boy too...)? And the questions continue.

Alas, memories are fun. I'm actively learning from them. That's why I wrote this blog to begin with. But planning is essential. best laid plans, and all that jazz...